Irony
I used to have nightmares that he would leave me, but now they are fantasies.
On my tour of Kyoto I dislocated my thumb by falling down some slippery stone steps as I was exiting a shrine where I prayed for good health and good luck for the remainder of my trip (no pun intended).
I married my husband on our first date, but it has taken me more than 5 years to decide what colour to paint our dining room.
Recently I realized that I waste my life on the internet ... and published this insight in a blog.
My mother called me to do a chore and i responded, "What you need, Woman," to which my father chided, "Your mother is NOT a woman!"
I tormented her while she lived but she died and I'm the one left in turmoil.
When we were eleven he was grossed out when I accidentally took a drink from his glass, but by the time we were sixteen he actually wanted to swap spit with me.
It was during a philosophy class, sitting bored and staring at the wall, that I wondered 'Why the hell am I here?'.
I pressed the panic button and when 5 fully armed policemen arrived with the security company, I was even more afraid.
I left my ex-wife for her and then later she left me for my ex-wife.
As I struggled with my human anatomy studies, I realized that I now knew the most effective way to slit my wrists.
Death
She had no idea that when she sarcastically said "I know I'm going to die," about getting her wisdom teeth pulled that she actually would.
This morning, on my bedroom floor, lay a dying firefly, its light blinking on and off, still signaling for a mate.
My mom would have been a wonderful grandmother.
She found it ironic that in order to deal with the stress of her mother dying of lung cancer she turned to smoking two packs a day.
I didn't know the stupid cat had been my best friend for fifteen years until I realized he was refusing to let himself die unless I was there to hold him.
Five minutes later, she realized that she hadn't thought about him for five minutes.
I am heart-sick because, like many parents of children with profound disabilities, my most secret and unspoken prayer is "Dear God, please let me outlive my child."
When I asked the cat to let us know he was ok, my husband gave me the look, but the next morning he admitted that the cat woke him by walking on his pillow.
I hated him for years for being an arrogant b*****d and dreamed of killing him, but all my anger just melted away when I learned he was dying for real.
I tormented her while she lived but she died and I'm the one left in turmoil.
When they handed me a medal for saving a man in Afghanistan, all I could think about was how I wasn't able to save the other two.
President Bush killed my father, a soldier whose burned remains are now a part of the Iraqi desert landscape, and I, longing to fit in by supporting something I did not understand, was stupid enough to vote for him the previous year.
I wondered why I was having trouble grieving the death of my mother when the counselor figured out I had not grieved the death of HER mother only 12 years earlier.
In the days after my mother died, we found innumerable small boxes tucked away in the drawers and corners of our house, on each box a label and on each label a name that was not mine.
We collectively realized she was gone when we sat down to eat our Thanksgiving dinner and realized that nobody made the gravy this year.
I never had the courage to talk to him when he was right upstairs but I drove for two days with no insurance to see him die the next day.
It's never like the movies...we pulled the plug and he took two hours to die.
Love
He longed for me for four years in high school and then forgot; I avoided him for four years in high school and then obsessed for ten about what could have been.
After years of pursuing men and boys, I've discovered it's easiest to fall for one you know will never like you back, simply because he doesn't know.
If I wasn't depressed, I wouldn't have fallen for you, but I was, and I did, and I'm sorry for what's about to happen.
As I leaned to kiss her on the cheek, she decided the lips would be better, and my heart stopped mid-beat.
As I stood outside watching my breath merge with the cold air and starlight, I realized that he will never need me as much as I need him to need me.
(I've been trying to hide how much I like you, but the most subtle I can be is within parentheses).
It wasn't the sex that proved she loved me, it was the first time she slept with me without having sex that I knew she would be the one.
Despite our height difference, we found he can still comfortably kiss me goodnight if I stand on the third stair up at the front door.
School
I was nearly sent to the hospital because I could not convince the school nurse that my head had always been this shape.
It was one of those exams that you absolutely must pass if you want to continue in the program, and I failed the set-your-alarm-clock-properly portion.
One-time I got in trouble in Religious studies for saying the word "v****a," but talked my way out of it by convincing them I had said "Virgin Mary".
I know 18 digits of pi and can recite the quadratic equation, but I still need to make an L with my hand to find out where left is.
I finished the exam with half an hour to spare, so I thought I'd cheer up the examination marker by drawing bad things happening to cats in the margins of my essay.
Misc
The first step towards developing an eating disorder is realizing that whenever someone tells you how thin you're looking, the dirty b*****d is lying.
View User's Journal
Little Emo World
Warning
Do not read this if you are not immune to the following things: Whining, complaining, pointless drama, insults to emoes and new authors, meanness, and me being a b***h in general.
 |
