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I begin to think those thoughts...the thoughts of nature entering my body combining with my human body. This its self collides with thousands of emotions at a time. There is no escape from such things other then nature. I go outside each day and ponder about what could or may happen. The past is behind me but there is still a piece missing inside. Its like a puzzel, one I been putting together all my life. Although, my own self rests inside me and I have felt it once before but now it is gone again. The shattered pieces of my heart broken but yet they still love and yet they continue to break more and more into where I go into submission.

I am no longer in darkness, but rather within a half world. A world where I think on my self. I am sad yet happy, its a strange feeling. A feeling of being lost. I look to nature for guidance to be one with her but something prevents me from doing so. Two sides inside pulling away from one another. Maybe I should go away for a while, away where no one can find me. Why...because this pain, this happiness combine as one just is getting to much. I need a place of nature and solitude away from the world, to heal my self in the right way. But where can a person find such a place? I think I know what I have to do but I have to leave all I know behind me to get the final result. This feeling was here before and it has yet returned.


I feel a thing about one certain person. A feeling of distrust and sorrow. Everytime I talk to this person my heart becomes weak and feels like it has broken yet again. It aches with pain physically, like someone had stabbed me there then it turns black. I feel dead inside but in a way where the nature takes over and I become one with it. But then there is the feeling of being ripped in two. This person says I am important to them, but if I am then the thing would have never happened. No matter how much I try I cannot get over this feeling with out another feeling of same power to counteract it. I have tried to be happy but nothing has worked. I know that what I had with this person will never return, if I continue to talk about it with this person we only argue and I am tired of fighting. I feel like I have to move on but I don't know how to do that. I tried everything within me to rid my self of this empty feeling but nothing has worked, not even my own magic....


I do not want to die or kill my self but I am sad. Sometimes things distract me but I come back to that feeling because of that person. -sigh- WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO FIND PEACE!!! cry crying