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To squishy

I feel so...betayed andI want to die soo very badly. I found out the one person I trusted above all others lied to me. Squishy I thought you would never hurt me? I thought you said you'd stop talking to her for me? She offered to stop talking to you why didn't you take it if you know that I wanted to kill myself over it? Do you want me to die? You must love her over me if you were willing to let me die in order for you to gte to talk to her. I never thought you wouldor could cause me this mcuh pain but I guess Iwas wrong. I luv you so muh and you hurt me this dbadly...I just want to know why....pls tell me why...I want to know why everyone hurts me and if you have any pity for me what soever you'll tell me so this stops hurting so badly. I loveed you ad trusted you aboveanyone else why di you lie to me? Why do you want me dead? I luv you so much I'm soscared....without youI am nothing and nowyou are the one I nee help to stop from hurtting me and I have no one i can tur to. I can't take it SQuishy I'm sorry
I'm so so sorry. PLs pls make it stop....tell me this is all a dream and that I'll wake up ina minute and everything will be ok.....pls be y hero again not my advisary I luv you this hurts more than you could ever imagine god I can't live like this make it stop god make it stop.....kill me someone pls kill me so I don't have to do it myself....
I feel betrayed by mty hero my husnamd my heart, everything it seems is against me and nothing can make it better I bet you're just gonna leave me like Jesse did huh? I wouldn't blame you I'm crazy adn ugly and stupif and worthless...you can if you want to I'll just kill myself and you can forget this ever happened

but know before you leave me (most likely) that I love you more tha you coud evr imagine and that I will always love ou no matter what you o you've just hurt me ALOT....

thisis incase I can't take it and don't wake up tommrow morning

I really did lvoe you, I needed you, I wanted you tahts all I ever felt for you I don'tknow if you meant to hurt me like this or not but..if you didnt I'm sorry youjust should have been honest with me and if you did you got your wish I'mdead now inside and possibly out. This is too much pain to take I wish i could just be numb but I can't because I loved you so much adn trusted you. I'm sorry for every bitchy thing I ever sadi to you or did. I never meant to ruin yourlif as much as I did
I'm sure you'll be happy with someone like Mega or even Maddie maybe once I[m gone it won't matter as long as you're happy. I'm sorry I couldn'y make you happy. i ytied trall hard I did I promise I did. I just coldn't be what you needed or wanted. I really wih we cold have lived happily ever after but we can't and its my fault most likely. Well once I'mdead it won't matter whos fault really adn incase you did actually love me...don't be sad you have a bright duture ahead of you. You'll find happiness I knwo you will..pls try to rforget e but ifyou have to remeber me remember me as the happy/hyper girl that loved MMand cats not the horrid monster Iwas inside. I gave you all th eloe I could ever give and you indeed made me happy but this is more pain than should be allowed....my heart can't take it I feel like I'm going to explode inside.MAKE IT STOP SQUISHY YOUR MY GAURDAIN MAKE IT STOP!!!!pls pls.I'm begging you pls.....make it goaway....I see I over stayed my welcome in your life...goodnight and goodbyw squishy you did manage to make me very happy so if I dont kill myself don't think this means that Iwant to break up with you..we just need to wor somethings out....unless that isyou hate me...like I fear that you do. You were so sweet,caringgeerous,honest,loyal why couldn't you just tell me that you still wanted to talk to her? You didn't have to go behind my back......I would have nderstood because I love you enough to forgive you if I don't kill myself toniht
i might get on tommrow even if my decisionis made to ed y life just so i can give you my avis stuff if you want I won't be needing it....if I am on tomrow pls don't be mad at me I'm soscared of you being mad at me.....pls pls tell me you care about me still and that its all ok even if its not.....I hope I can survive tonigh....
Either way you have my heart

you were my everything.......

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Jessi

*hugs you tightly* I'm sorry for everything and I'm sory that it might have to end like this.