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Awwwww. Dragon isn't online today. *pouts*
I had a pretty good karate lesson today. Managed to avoid Shiann, and my friends Allara and Lara were there. Unfortunatly, Emma wasn't. She doesn't come into the dojo enough! *sulks* Anyway, Shiann has taken to dyeing her hair this wierd purple-red colour that looks terible on her. She dyes her hair way too much, she should leave it alone. And definatly not dye it a colour that makes it look like someone attempted to drown her in a berry wine vat, or something. Although, if someone did, I would probably be encouraging them, but oh well. I wish I didn't have to deal with her sometimes.
And for a brand new revelation (note the sarcasm), I hate myself. I can't get anything right. I'm always messing stuff up, I'm a klutz, I'm not good at anything, and I look like a hag. And I'm gaining too much waight... I need to up my karate lessons. And eat better. I hate my face. It's so... round. And I hate my ankles, and my knees, and my thighs, and my ears, and my nose, and my teeth, and the way I smile, and almost everything about me. I have so many moles... I have at least 12 on my left arm alone. Not the big ones, just little dots of dark brown. I'm peppered with them, practically. It's not fair. The only good things about me are my eyes and my hair, and my eyes aren't that crash hot either. Gah, and I feel sick again... why do I always feel sick? I'm probably just hungry, but I can never find anything I feel like eating. I'm a major fussy eater, and being a vegitarian proably doesn't help. I need to eat something... I can never get enough food down though. I can't eat too much or I end up feeling sick anyway. I hate myself, I can't even eat right.
Damn it. I didn't mean to get into a whole 'self pity party' thing. I just feel so... unwanted. Useless. Pathetic. I feel like I'm such a faileur, no, I know I am. The one thing I can do is write, and I suck at that. Kuso, I'm doing it again. I suppose I just need to get this out... I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it. I don't want to wiegh anyone else down with my problems, they don't need that. Sometimes, I just want to go into a crowded building, and wreak havoc. Lunge at people, scream, smash things... there is nowhere I can direct all the destructive energy I have. I'm going more insane than I already am... mmm... there's that dart head that broke off a dart the other day. It's shiny, and pointy... mmm... pointy... sharp... *starts to lightly p***k her skin with the dart*
I can't type properly while stabbing myself, I'm going to end this entry now.
From,
~-~-~Shadow~-~-~