Names:
Ricky crying one of my bestest friends now, but i still love him deeply and can't seem to get over him??
Rick heart my boyfriend right now, well kinda, i really dunno
Aaron smile a really really sweet guy i met at church who says he's falling in love with me
Joe razz a guy from scholl that i've had a crush on since i met him
Okay so yeah. I guess we'll start at the top. Ricky.. Him and I have liked each other since June2005 but have never been able to be together except for in secret because he is my step brothers best friend. Ricky and I have gone through a few HUGE things in our "relationship" *notice the quotes*.. And since March06, we've become much closer. We've both tried to date other people to get over one another and both thought we have until we see each other then everything comes back. I am dating sumone right now and trying to get over Ricky but it is getting really really HARD!! All I've ever wanted since I've known Ricky was for us to be able to be together and not have to hide it. But I know that is never gonna happen. Should I hang onto him in hopes that it will or let him go? I have no idea! crying It's hard to move on when someone has a piece of your heart. It really is!!
Okay Now onto Rick, my current "boyfriend" *notice the quotes again*. I honestly don't know what is going on with me and Rick. We met on Myspace *link to mine* and then we met in person and had a great time, I stayed at his play a couple weekends then on 8Dec2006, we were laying in his bed talking and decided to become a couple, but since then we haven't seen each other, and it sux! I like Rick alot and enjoy spending time with him! He is really sweet and he has his life set. He's graduated High School has an Associates Degree from College a good job and he lives with 2 room mates. But for a while he's been saying he doesn't know what he wants, because not to long ago*7months i think* he got out of a year long relationship, and his feelings for me are getting to strong. And he dosn't know if he's ready, and now me when he first told me, I cried because I wanted to be with him. But now that he still doesn't know, it's making me question what I want which is sucking bad and that is why I am writing the Journal. What the hell am I supposed to do, I don't want to break it off with Rick but I don't want to get more attached for him and then he tells me he doesn't wanna be with me... sad what do i do?
Next.. Damn i seem lie a slut.. but i am NOT!! Aaron.. Is this really sweet guy I've known since Cody B.(yakumo mutsu) were dating *june9-oct31,2006* and Aaron says he's liked me since the day he met me. And I like Aaron but I dunno if it's in the way he wants it. Aaron has told me that he is falling in love with me.. and I really don't want to hurt anybody!! And Aaron has gotten extremely attached to me. And I told him I only want to be friends because I dunno what is going on with Rick and I. And Aaron plays the part of a tough redneck, but I know him better..
Okay and now Joe.. I've liked this guy, well I've had a crush on him since umm.. well for a while. And he wants me to go over to his house Saturday. I love being on the phone with him, there is never a silent moment and I can tlak to him about everything. But once again, I think he is looking for more than I am. I don't want to lead anybody on, let alone hurt anybody. I like Rick and that is who I want to be with.. But lately I've been questioning it. I love hanging out with guys*not in a slutty way, although most of you who read this are probably thinking I am fuc**ing them all and that I am a slut.. Well you're thinking wrong* I just get along better with guys. But anyways back to the topic Joe. When joe and I talk on the phone it's amazing because there is never a quite moment. And we can talk about anything and everything. I see Joe as more or less becoming one of my closet guy friends.
Now I know most of you who've read this probably think that I am a slut/whore/hoe or whatever else and fuc**ing them all. Well like I said I'm NOT. I just get along better with guys. I'd rather play football then do my hair and make up and I'd rather go mudding/3-4 wheeling then goto the mall. I'm a tomboi and I love being one! So if you think I am a slut get the FU*K outta my life. You don't know me and you're judging me!
HOLLAZ
 Yuki Rei Ai · Fri Dec 29, 2006 @ 05:02pm · 2 Comments |
