HOT POCKET
20-Questions with Polly Pocket
She was an icon in our youth, a teenage girl who taught us how to retrace the same path so often that you wore a ditch into the floor of the apartment. Today, she has morphed into a unique kind of plastic with rubber clothes. I had a chance to catch up with Polly Pocket, and asked her some questions about life in the post-millennium age.
Q: First off, your style’s changed a lot in a decade. Can you tell us why the shift from permanent plastic and joints at the hip to rubber skirts and tube tops?
A: Well, a lot of my influence comes from Britney Spears. I’m like, she’s plastic, I’m, plastic, and the whole sexy rubber outfit thing worked for her, so why not me? Besides, I like being able to change clothes.
Q: What kind of clothes do you find that you’re particularly fond of?
A: Oh, Abercrombie all the way. I’m such a HUGE Abercrombie fan. Oh, and I like Disney clothes too. It’s really fun to dress up like Cinderella. Love her!
Q: I understand that along with the new image, you’ve also moved.
A: Yeah, well, with all the boob jobs and stuff, the pocket-size apartment was getting a little small. Not that I’m fat, because I’m like, the biggest health nut. I just felt like I need to break free.
Q: And how are your new living accommodations?
A: Well, for one thing, I have more than one room. Talk about a relief. I have windows. I have a fridge that actually opens up. And guess what? I had them past a drawing of food inside. Like I said, I keep up on all the new health reports, and I was reading this one study that said that looking at food helps you burn more calories than like, actually eating it.
Q: America’s really wondering about your furnishings. Tell me, what style of interior design did you opt for?
A: Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a specific style. I’m not like all those house-design snobs and their Ranch, Tudor, and snobby lists of furniture. I’d say I have more like a theme: PINK. My entire house is pink. Pink’s my favorite color. It’s so glorious and I love my new home. My only complaint is that it’s hard to stand up in my new home.
Q: Stand up?
A: Yeah, well, as you know, I’ve had some work done on my feet, and that’s sort of impaired my balance, and the house doesn’t have any, you know, support. So I spend most of my time lying down. Not that that’s a problem with me. *laughs*
Q: Speaking of lying down, Barbie and Ken have reduced their relationship status to “just friends” and you’re just Ken’s type: plastic, blonde, big smile. A lot of tabloids are whispering.
A: Well, I wouldn’t say we were like, an item item. I mean, he’s still into Barbie, you can tell, but that doesn’t stop us from having the occasional fling. Not that it’s anything serious. Totally casual. I’m a no-strings-attached kind of girl, always have been.
Q: Well, I guess that makes my Pinocchio question moot.
A: Pinocchio’s a different story. *laughs* Let me tell you, when he says he’s a real boy, he’s like, not kidding.
Q: A lot of people have been wondering about your rivalry with the Bratz dolls. They seem to be gaining in popularity while your popularity is waning.
A: No, I’m not waning in popularity. I’m, like, only just beginning. See, the Bratz are all sluts. And everyone’s starting to see that. But I’m, like, old-fashioned family values. Older sisters remember me. I’ve got name-recognition power.
Q: Rumor has it that you’re using that power to get into the music industry.
A: Not getting. GOT! I’m coming out with a cd later this year. After all, anything Paris can do, I can do better.
Q: What kind of music?
A: Oh, like, pop-punk DEFINITELY. Like Good Charlotte and Simple Plan. I’m totally all over that. I love their music. Also, I’m planning to use my music to put out a message that everyone needs to hear. Something new, something real. I’m getting like loads of inspiration from stuff like love, and fashion, and guys. Totally new, unique stuff that nobody’s ever sung about before.
Q: You mentioned earlier that you’d been getting some surgery?
A: Well, yeah, just minor stuff. I won’t list all the boring details, but, I’ve got to keep my looks up to date. Nose jobs, boob jobs, liposuction, and some work on my feet. They used to be really weird, you know. One big circle. Of course, it was like, way easier to stand.
Q: I remember. Tell me, how do you feel about mothers who object to your new looks? Many people claim that they don’t think your outfits and body are appropriate for young girls.
A: Well, that’s a load of crap, all that feminist stuff. I’m more feminine than any of them. And besides, I’m a woman, I’ve got a body, and I use it. If that’s not, like, majorly empowering, I don’t know what is.
Q: So you’re not planning to tone down the cleavage and lengthen your skirts at all?
A: Listen, the kind of people who believe in modesty are the ones who never shave their legs and never brush their hair. That’s not being a woman. That’s being gross. Yuck.
Q: Well, I do know that there are a lot of fans of yours who would like to know your beauty secrets?
A: Well, first off, wear lots of pink. Pink makeup. Pink is sooooooo in right now. And get permanent makeup. Lots of people are scared of it, but it’s really not that bad. It’s amazing. It’s revolutionized my look.
Q: That and the boob jobs.
A: Well, yeah, you can’t expect to be a celebrity in this day and age without big boobs. Unless you’re a guy.
Q: Also, do you have any dating tips?
A: Guys are great. Guys rock. All you gotta do is dress in tiny clothes and believe me, they will start drooling. It’s kind of pitiful, really.
Q: A lot of celebrities have taken a stand on the war. You haven’t spoken up either in objection or support. Why not?
A: What war?
Q: Don’t you watch the news?
A: Why should I? Listen, the news is just a bunch of stories about people from other countries and how much their lives suck. It’s depressing, and besides, it’s really boring. So I don’t watch it. I have better stuff to do.
Q: Such as?
A: Manicures. Speaking of which, I have an appointment for a facial in ten minutes. I gotta go.
Jasmine Perishing Community Member 
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Community Member