It's 7:28pm where I'm at and I am on two hours of sleep. I would probably still be in bed if it wasn't for my mother waking me up with her bullshit in the middle of my needed slumber. gonk But, oh well. There ain't s**t I can do about it. I am sitting in front of my computer, like most mornings of my nonexistent life, enjoying a cup of hot chocolate, that might end up being the only thing I eat all day, if you can call hot cocoa... well... food, and I am really... confused about so many things.
A while back, I experienced a long distance relationship. When it ended, I started to wonder whether it was of any good for me to keep lying to myself and others, pretending I could cover the sun with one hand and trying to fool not others, but my miserable self, and pretend the bad things just weren't there. I guess living in denial is the best way to describe my past or perhaps even current situation. A day ago, I thought I knew myself, today, I must admit, that I have no clue of WHO THE ******** I AM. Why would God bestow such an intelligence and intelect upon someone with not even a remote idea of how to use it to her own advantage? I don't know. Does He still have faith in me, when it's actually me who should be having faith in Him? My lack of confidence, knowledge, and proper use of virtues are hurting me and apparently olso others, but there is nothing I can do about it, for I am nothing but a coward, running away... from the truth.
Sometimes I sit on my bed and wonder whether I will ever be happy. Will I ever ALLOW MYSELF to taste just a hint of what actual happiness really is, or will I let ME shatter who I AM, or who I could ever BECOME? Will I ever STOP hurting MYSELF? Will I ever dare be... ME without caring what the ******** the rest of the world think? I mean, I might be scared to show my true colors, just like half the people in the world, but... how can I be myself, if I don't know who that is?
I just wish I was brave enough to accept my reality and strong enough to change what can be changed, and learn to live with what... cannot.
-Lingerie. <3
Edible Lingerie! Community Member 
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