this is me being creative. a brainstorm of sorts. not your average everyday rambling. i'm trying to make a point here. there are times in which we have so many questions to which we already know the answers. the hard part is figuring out which answer fits each question. an accomplishment such as this makes the daunting and arduous task worthwhile. something to be admired for centuries upon centuries. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating a bit, but there is one thing I do know. clearing your mind and exposing your thoughts is the key to showing others the real you. the real me is just what i want everyone to see. i suppose my goal could be to enlighten you, or maybe i'll just give you some reading material to occupy your wasted time. Whatever the case may be, this is what i intend to do.
it starts off with a scream from below. it's calling me to attention. i open my eyes to feel light sinking into them. my mind absorbing this rapid change of environment. Soon, i will realize exactly what it is i am supposed to do. Wake up, get dressed, go about my normal routine. I am always reluctant about it. when i am that tired its so easy to think to myself: "wouldn't i just be better off sleeping here all day?" followed by the opposed question: "what am i going to miss out on if i don't get up?" These questions are asked too many times. more often than not, the second question is answered when i feel the hot water hit me. so im dressed and ready to start the day. a day still rooted in uncertainty..masked by the same old routine i've followed since before i can remember.
A blank stare makes it's way over to the window. the music is blasting. and I have no idea why i'm here. all i know.. is that i am are here. and pretty soon i'm going to be where i am headed. that doesnt make much sense. nothing i say tends to make much sense. anyway, i block all else out. i feel a contant movement in a forward direction. my life is slowly moving forward to the places i love, skipping past the empty promises and ideas, and reaching a final destination.
and suddenly. i am home again. after a night like this one nothing can make me feel hollow inside. so you come stumbling in. you appear to be happy. but it's just a mask. a mask made of alcohol. and im sure you sense it inside. your words have no meaning as i sit here in the dark. im silent, i have nothing to say. keep your words under lock and key. the room gets hotter as i think and think of how to respond to someone too disorderly. i feel hollow. and thoughtless. i dont know what to do. im left down here with you. and its funny how you make all those phone calls. and its funny how you think it's all worth while. or maybe you only love it..because its the only way you will ever smile.
my heart starts to race. and my stomach feels sick. i remember the last time it ended like this. with more than just an awkward kiss goodbye. gave me one more reason to not even try. to just start over. and never forget that i can't take the look in your eyes. well i'd hoped that you'd notice. but you just keep it quiet. these are the things that i know that you know. the things i dont want you to hear. my worst fear. pressure is building up now. dont lose control. or you will lose a piece of your soul. remeber that whatever this means you are still you. and if you meant what you said then your dreams would come true. but dreaming is just too hard when the lights are on.
your words are fading in an out as if ive seen you before. you arent a part of my life, yet you choose to invade it with your agony. you don't know me. and i dont know you. so why are you in my head? i chose to leave you alone. and with that..you turned away.
[xRitsukax] Community Member 
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