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Ok, you guys, I can't hold this in anymore, so I'm just gonna say it. I'm tired of everything...I wish I could be happy, but I don't feel that way anymore. I'm okay most of the time, but I'm on the brink. I broke down twice today at school and cried. I made sure no one saw me, though. I hate crying in front of people. And I cried before and after rehearsal. I'm so stressed I can't take it anymore. It took all of my inner strength and self-control to not faint and lie there and not get up. That's all I want to do. Curl up into a ball so I can cry. I'm frustrated with the play because I miss out on things that are important to me, I'm frustrated with the fact I'm behind on all my homework and not having straight A's brecause of the play, and I'm sick of having these feeling about a guy who probably care less about me. I'm tired...so tired...and I can't stand it. I know this is so horrid of me and I can't stand myself when I'm like this. So I apologize but I needed to vent. Understand, I know everyone goes through the same things...I just have a hard time conveying these emotions without crying and therefore do not reveal them to even close friends. This way I can cry as I write and not have that awkward position of the person not knowing what to do. And, ugh, I don't know!!!!!! I like this guy, but there's someone else as well...and well, I have been friends with both for quite some time, one of which is one of my ex-boyfriends...and the other...well, he probably doesn't care. I can't wait until November 16. All my stress will be reduced so much. This weekends the play, next weekend is my college auditions, November 15 is when my application and Senior Project first draft is due. So November 16 I'll either be so relieved that I'm dancing or so worn out that I've dropped to the floor. But that's a lie...I'll be relieved that it's over, but I will still be stressed until December 15, when I find out if I'm accepted to Syracuse. Ugh! I feel like I don't have anyone to share this with!!! I need someone to make me laugh, hold me when I cry, start a poking war with me when I'm upset (Lexi, you are one lucky chica). All this will never come to me...it's probably because I'm a bad person. And I know most of you are always saying how nice and charming I am, but I have an inner demon that you've never seen and I don't wish you to see it, so only I know it's there. Oi vey. I love you guys. All my friends. If I'm holding something back, please make me talk about it or I'll end up in this mood again. Maybe I won't be this bad if I have someone to talk to...