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Well, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. I'm always hungry...I can't sit by any of my friends for long periods of time without getting aggitated.

Is there something wrong with me?

I don't understand it. I should be happy. What the hell is going on? I mean, yes, I have a lot of stress, but that's no excuse. Many people have stress in their lives, so I can't say that it's so. I am going to be at school from 3-5 for the musical on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so I'll miss some Japanese Club meetings. Which I won't on the 24th since it's our masquerade. Then on Saturdays until March I'll be at PCA from 9am-3pm for another musical. Then homework. But like I said, everyone has stress. So that rules out one possibility.

I feel as if I'm drifting away from my closer friends. Perhaps that's part of my frustrations. I lost all of my good friends at Padua in one swing, and it took me three months of depression, attempted *bad thing* (I don't like the "s" word) and building up confidence to make new friendships that would help me heal. Now I feel as if they're drifting away too, and I CAN'T handle that again. I just can't. Everyone's always with their "best friend" and I can't hardly see mine, or those I call by that title. I don't know if they consider me to be their best friend. I don't really feel anyone is there for me anymore. I want to listen and help with their problems, and share in the happiness of their stories...but I hardly get to do so. I feel as if I'm being passed by and my friends could care less. It's tearing me to pieces to be in such a mood, but that's how I feel, and I need to vent somehow.

I have been becoming depressed more and more lately. It's becoming a difficult attribute to conceal. Nonetheless, it is there, and it hurts like hell.

I just need to be loved. That's all I want. And I don't think I can handle much anymore.......only four more months of this torture...........