People (And Bands) What I Hate And My Messages To Them:
Aisleyne on BB - Why have you got 10 different laughs? And why are they all as, if not more, annoying as the Crazy Frog's album on repeat? Shut up. Stop crying all the time. We all know you didn't really care about having to evict poor Jonathon - you were just putting on a show. And everything is fake about you. Not just your personality but your tan, your hair colour and your boobs. Grr! Leave Pete alone too, we know you just want to be friends with him because he's going to win and because Magnum desu!
James Blunt - You know you're annoying. Someone who got voted the '3rd Top Pet Peeve In Britain' (behind telemarketers but ahead of caravans) must know that by now. You sound like a little girl when you sing, let alone when you talk. Did your voice ever actually break? How did you survive as a tank commander in Iraq with a little voice like that? Why is 'You're Beautiful' so annoying after about the... second play? So many questions! And your face is just annoying. I think you should know that I laughed at you on Jools Holland's New Year's show because you were sitting all on your own and when it reached midnight everyone jumped up and hugged each other but you were left sitting all alone. Ha-ha! Loo-sseerrr!
Russell Brand - Yes, I admit you can be funny on occasion. But only occasionally. It's because you try FAR too hard to be funny and weird - you're funnier when you act natural. So do that and maybe I would watch your show more. I also stopped watching it because you almost spoilt innuendo for me! ( eek ) You do that far too often too. Especially with the female guests. Even if they're really ugly or boring you keep hitting on them. Why? Just because you were caught sneaking out of Kate Moss' flat early the morning doesn't mean you're now the sexiest guy in Britain! You're really ugly and you look like you have terrible personal hygiene!
In short - stop trying so hard to be weird, stop using too much innuendo and BRUSH YOUR ******** HAIR!
Coldplay - Cheer up and make another album where all the songs DON'T SOUND THE SAME! You've got talent but you're totally wasting it on making depressing songs. Sorry, song. They're all the same.
Ebay's Customer Support (particularly Clement) - I shall have to tell you the story first:
I help my Mum put her genuine Burberry handbag up for sale on eBay.
It gets removed as 'Trademark Misuse'.
I e-mail them asking what they mean by 'Trademark Misuse'
Customer Support e-mail back telling me that it breached their 'Counterfeit, Replicas and Unauthorised Copies Policy'.
I reply saying that it was a genuine handbag, that it was purchased from the Burberry factory so it was not counterfeit, a replica or an unauthorised copy and asking for some advice on how I am supposed to prove it's authenticity if I put it up for sale again.
I get an e-mail back from someone called 'Clement' who 'understands my frustration at having my listing (item) removed'. He then goes on to tell me that the listing (the handbag) looked like it breached their User Agreement and that I should read their 'Prohibited Items Policy' and their 'Counterfeit, Replicas and Unauthorised Copies Policy'.
...
That really helped, Clement. Just redirect me straight back to the policy. Despite me clearly saying it was not counterfeit, a replica or an unauthorised copy.
You're really useless. [******** you Clement. You don't 'understand my frustration at having my listing removed'.
Pussycat Dolls - More proof that sex sells. You're rubbish. Just rubbish. Stop using your tits and your 'sexy ghetto a**' to sell records. And all your songs sound the same. They're all about sex. And guys wanting to have sex with you. Shut up. Just shut the fck up.
Radiohead - Cheer the ******** up! I like your music in small doses. But if I listen to more than one song in a row I feel the compelling need to crawl into the corner and start crying about all the suffering in the world. It's not a nice feeling.
That'll do for now. But expect another entry like this soon. I'm bound to think of some more annoying people soon. That's good stress relief. You should all try it. I can steal ideas from you.
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