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Crazy Ramblings of a Confused Pansexual I still like to use Gaia but now it's really just a place I can come to vent out my own s**t. It's a nice outlet and helps me to read it out to work through treatments. I doubt anyone else would read these


CobrasVenom
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The Confession
So.... I finally came out to my dad as bisexual a few days ago.
It was harder than I thought but it helped me tremendously with accepting myself.

Backstory:

I started having these feelings when I was maybe 15. While I was crazy head over heels with someone I could never have, I was finding outlets in my real life. I began to realize my feelings for my female best friend were more than I was expecting. Not love but definitely an attraction. I was confused and reached out to my brother, who had just come out as gay. He told me there was no such thing as liking both and told me I'm either gay or I'm straight... but that wasn't it. I felt that I wasn't either and wasn't convinced. So I went to my mother...Which was the biggest mistake I've ever made.
I should have known I couldn't confide in her but I did it anyway. I was desperate to find answers and she had no reaction to my brother coming out, so why would I be any different?
I told her I was confused and having weird feelings for my friend but I also like boys. She only heard "I like girls. I'm a lesbian".
She stood up and began screaming at me. She grabbed me by the arm and shoved me to the floor. "HOW DARE YOU? YOU SELFISH b***h! I WANTED GRANDKIDS AND NOW BECAUSE OF YOU, I'LL NEVER GET THEM?!" I was shocked by her response. I told her that when Chris came out, she didn't have this reaction. I told her how supportive she was for him and asked why I got this treatment. She spit at me and told me I was supposed to be her backup plan. I was taking her dreams away from her from being as selfish as I was.
I apologized profusely and ran to my room, crying hysterically. I heard her scream echo as she yelled "DON'T YOU DARE EVER THINK ABOUT TELLING YOUR FATHER! HE WILL BE MORE DEVASTATED THAN I AM WITH YOU"

This stuck with me for years.

Then I began to see more and more about what it meant to be Bisexual.

I spoke to my best friend about it and she supported me 110%. She gave me courage to come out to my, now husband, who also supported and accepted me.

Now, as I near 30, I finally confide in my dad. I was so afraid his response was going to be as negative as my mother warned but he genuinely surprised me.
Not only was he not surprised, he was also very open about his own past experiences. There were times he thought he might be bi as well. Once he experimented, it turned out to not be true in his case. I was so surprised by this confession but it was so heartwarming for him to share with me.

I left it at Bisexual though. I couldn't bring myself to say Pansexual yet... I'm still accepting that part myself. sweatdrop




 
 
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