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Well, this is gonna be a -really- long post... I've been depressed a lot lately.

First issue: My so-called Father

This Sunday was Father's Day. Father's day... I haven't talked to my father since March 4th, and it was over the phone. He called for my sister's birthday. My birthday was October 30th. He didn't call. Well, he said he did, but whoever picked up the phone said I was sleeping. He said he called at 8:30pm. First off, I'm -never- alseep by 8:30, especially if I have a ton of people over, for my party. And second, it was a Saturday. I'm up later than midnight watching anime on Saturdays. "Oh, they said you were asleep" is a really lame excuse for not calling me to say "Happy Birthday, Lacey!" The last time I -saw- my father was... just after my grandpa on his side of the family died. We went to see his new house. I doubt he still has that house... That was over a year ago. I've told this story to many people, but I still can't get over the fact that my dad treats my sister and I this way. And there is a new part that I haven't told a lot of people. Dad didn't call on Father's Day. He didn't stop by to spend time with us. I even tried calling his cell phone a few times and it's out of service. I don't have any means to contact him anymore--I don't even know where he is! He doesn't pay child support, his girlfriends a b***h ((Pardon my language)), and because of her, he is in trouble with the government for problems with his taxes. Tami (his girlfriend) used to be a cop, so he trusts her to do his taxes. It's all her fault! It's even partly her fault that Dad doesn't come to see us anymore! It's not fair...

Second issue: I haven't told -anyone- about this yet, and I'm sorta ashamed that I even feel this way...

Before I start my little rant, I would like to apologize to two of my friends. After they read this, they will know why.
So. My friend... we'll call her Shishi, for security reasons, has a boyfriend, and we'll call him That One Guy, again for security reasons. Well, Shishi and I have been friends since... 3rd grade I think... and we met That One Guy last year. We have known him as a friend for about 6 1/2 months now. So anyway, like I said, they are together. Right away, having a little wolfish-ness in me, I attacked That One Guy as soon as I had heard. I'm over-protective of my friends, and I just felt that I had to do it, you know? (If you're reading this, again, I'm sorrys.) Well, back to the issue. Shishi has a boyfriend. Ever since she told me, I've been feeling like I don't know her as well as I thought. Mainly because she really didn't seem the type to actually say yes if someone asked her out. But she did, and I'm happy that she's happy. I knew that That One Guy would ask her out, but I didn't expect her to say yes. I'm still having a hard time believing it... I don't know why, but every time I see them together, I get a twinge of sadness. It might be that I feel like That One Guy may take Shishi away from me, as in we won't be as good of friends that we are now. Or maybe it's that I'm jealous that Shishi has a boyfriend. I've never had a boyfriend, or even a first kiss yet, so maybe I just want someone to like me the way that That One Guy likes Shishi. Maybe not... Who knows... Maybe it's both that I'm jealous -and- that Shishi and I won't remain as we are now... For those of you who haven't guessed it yet, I'm horrible at reading my own feelings. Maybe that's why when people ask "How are you?" I mostly just respond with "Tired..." even if I'm not tired. I guess that I don't have anything else to say on this matter for now.
((Shishi, That One Guy, if you don't want me posting anything in here, just let me know...))

Thrid issue: I'm not gonna give away anything here. Only people that I have told will understand this next subject.

I've been thinking about -him- a lot... I really wish he would just die... We both want it, so why doesn't he already!? I wish that there was a way for me to forget about him... Every time I think about video games, I think about Final Fanstasy (They are my favorite games), and every time I think about Final Fantasy, I think about FFXI, which of course, reminds me of -him-. I think it's his fault that I lost intrest in most video games, too. It's his fault that I have changed so much. It's mostly his fault that my mind has been corrupted... I blame him for why I'm like this... Because of him, I have my -true- self, which hardly anoyone sees. That is my depressed, angry, and corrupt side. Before I met him, that wasn't me. I was like a little girl that never cussed, thought bad things, or anything of the sort. It's his fault... New addition: I -hate- they way he tells me to "grow up". I've had to act grown up for most of my life, trying to take care of my mentally challenged sister while Mom was away. I've always had to be responsible! I think I should get some time to enjoy my youth while I still can, even if I don't act my age! I don't care if I don't act my age! I'm tired of being so responsible. I want to be able to be a kid again! A care-free child that doesn't have to worry about life, or the furture, or school, or anything like that! If anything, -he- is the one that needs to grow up... -He's- the one that needs to understand... He was always telling me about how he would listen about what I said, but no, he never did. I explained why I acted the way I did many times, but he never understood.. no one understands...