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As a foreword, I imagine this taking place in a dimly lit room with just two chairs. One with me sitting and another being occupied by either Yuri or Silent. There is nothing distinctive about the background other than a single window that has a metal grate covering it. A soft light pours from a rising midday sun, but it's dimmed by the constant clouds that block it.

There isn't tension, just questions and answers. Each question rotates from one of the two, you can decide who'd ask what.


Q: Why don't you give up on Stephanie? She's happy and she's doing much better for herself with you gone, so why bother?

A: Because I've given up on so many things... This isn't one of those things I want to write down on my list that I gave up on. Too many times... I gave up on myself, my friends, my family and even her... I just like to at least once have it that I kept going no matter what.

Q: She told you to stop and that nothing will ever happen again. Will you ever listen to what she asks of you or will you always ignore what she wants just for what you want?

A: I take a moment to adjust in my seat as I set my arms on my legs, looking down at the ground rather than the questioner
You know, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Speaking painful nights crying over the fact that I could have stopped this whole ******** thing if I'd listened to her. That I keep hurting myself and going through this painful process because I still won't listen. But, it's not that I chose to ignore her and want only what I want... No. I want to reach a compromise. Something that'd satisfy both of us... Like a couple should always do. No one party having more favor than the other. And before you mention it, I know that I've digged my hands deeply into the cookie jar and never giving back. I tried, but what do you expect from someone trying to learn on the spot what is right and wrong?

Q: So what? You're going to just keep loving her and trying to reach out to her for the rest of your life? Is that it?

A: Readjusts myself to look at the questioner with a pain look
I've resigned myself to many things before all of this and then some. How I've accepted so many other things before accepting this is personal. What I decided to do shouldn't pay her any mind. I know where my heart lies and I'll die doing what I love most: Loving her. I can't lie to others that I want them for it's her that I feel that I'm lying to the most. I can't fake my emotions and I won't live through another Ally and put someone else through me. I'm content with what I've decided and I'll stay true to it until the good Lord puts me on his Path.

Q: You know she'd want you to be happy and move on. Why don't you just honor that?

A: Because we don't always get what we want. We don't always get that family we've spent so many years dreaming about. We don't always get the most beautiful women in the world because of self-ignorance.
Levels my stare at the questioner
But, who didn't say I wasn't happy? Sure, there's a hole in my heart and I can't do anything about it. ********, no one can and I don't expect anyone to assist me. I don't expect anyone to understand why I ******** look away at a bi-racial couple. I don't want anyone to wonder why I'm holding back tears while walking in the rain one day. Happiness, however, is something that isn't forever.. If this experience has at least taught me that. It's a fleeting moment that can't be stalled to last forever. Once it's gone, it's just a memory throughout a cold winter night. I take those very small moments and I enjoy them, not only of her and me, but of other things as well.

Q: Hypothetically speaking, if she were to give just a SMALL chance to make things 'better', what would you do?

A: Chuckles a bit before looking out to the window, from my angle, the window cuts off awkwardly from a full view with several large apartment complexes blocking any real view. But I keep my eyes fixed there
Simple. I'd talk to her each day and just re-learn her. Re-learn her habits, her smiles, her frowns, her everything. I want to let her re-learn me as well and maybe, if she didn't feel as if I did before, open more up than I ever did... But slowly.
Looks back at the questioner
If I was just given the smallest chance, I'd want to fly down there or have her fly up here, either or. I want her to voice her pains in my face. I want to sit there, uncomfortable as she cries about every ounce of s**t that she had to endure alone and I want her to do whatever she needed to me to release it all out of her system; hit me, beat me, stab me, shot me, castrate me if she must.. Just whatever she needed to get it all out of her system.
I sit back, letting a small sigh out
Then and only then, could we start at a square one. Only then, could I look at her and tell her, "This is when we start anew. This is when we forget what happened for the sake of Love and begin a new chapter past all this pain and suffering." and then I'd do everything to her that I never had the chance when I lacked the money and maturity.

Q: Such as?

A: Taking her out to a different restaurant ever other day, or weekends if she got tired of it. Take her around to parks and listen to her talk all day about the little things that excite her, watching each and every detail of her face light up. Let her know that I'm not going anywhere with anyone ever again and that she'd never need to worry about another women ever.
Clears my throat out a bit
I'd do my best to make her feel every ounce of a Goddess that she deserves to feel like, without my p***s. I want to be the reason she wakes up with a smile and I want to be the reason she goes to sleep with one.. not without one. I want her to call me and know that I'd be right the ******** there when she needs me. I want her to know that if she was lacking the funds for A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G, that I got her covered and she doesn't have to worry s**t for it.
I want to prove that I can be Her Man.

Q: And what will you do if she won't give you the chance? Will you resign yourself to your depression?

A: Glares at the questioner
It's not like I'd have a choice between depression and happiness, would I? I mean, how would you feel if you made a series of bad choices and at the end know what you did wrong and what you can do to fix it, but it's too late? It's not that I want to be sad... I feel horrible for what I did and I can't feel happy about anything because of it. Will I waste away into nothing? No. I'll keep working and grinding up, as she taught me to. I'll make a purpose out of this life.. even if it wasn't the intended purpose of it.

Q: If things were to go the way you wanted them to go, how sure are you that you'd keep true to what you said? How can you guarantee it?

A: Sits up and keeps my hands together
I'm not. I've said it a thousand times, maybe more, that I wouldn't do what I did... But I always find myself doing exactly what I did wrong. Now, if it were the way I'd like it to be, living close, not together until she was ready, then there is no fearing anything for my loyalty is true to her. Distance is what caused many of our problems. I'm FAIRLY sure I wasn't womanizing ANYONE when she was with me, both down there and where I am.
Sighs deeply as I look at the ground
I can't guarantee anything more than that I'd give her all the ******** love in my heart because nothing in Life is set in stone and everything is subjected to change. What I say is that I know no matter happens, I will continue to love her with all of my heart and I'll do ******** to make our relationship work. Lost my job? Going to find another one that week. Something went wrong? You best believe I'll fix it.
I want a chance to prove this all..

Q: ... Last question: Do you think writing here solves anything for either of you?

A: No. I just want to vent out what I feel and just... hope that she can see things on my end. Maybe even feel incline to share with me what she's feeling and going through. Because that's alw--

A quick hand dismisses the rest of my sentence as both ladies pack their notes. With quick fake smiles, they leave me alone and flick the lights off. The room gets colder in color, but I silently stare out the window. Nothing more happens as the camera finds itself slowly getting further and further till there is nothing left.





 
 
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