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Aaand.... I'm back here. Again. Another failed attempt at love. It was with a married woman. I have no shame, I know. I fully accept what's coming to me, karma will be a b***h.
Little things have changed. I noticed while I was looking at my profile that my internal voice is a little different now. Maybe I've done some growing up. I seem to go through the most change when being with someone else. Or... maybe I picked a good time to start writing.
I got a job. I got, like, 2 friends (Joel and Alex) that I talk to, and I'm starting to smoke [redacted]. I'm at work while writing this. I still play SWTOR for now, and I still lead a guild.. for now. It was an experience, to be sure. All of it was. The girl, the RolePlay, leading... God. I miss her a lot. She broke up with me. When will it be the other way around? And when that happens, how will I handle it? I lost my virginity to her. She's the first, and so far the only (aside from the thing Maria did in the mall's parking lot).
I want to go back to FSU. It's a simpler goal than trying to go to California, but who knows... It looks like it might be a while before I start doing stuff for my major, and as of right now, I'm not even 100% sure yet about my major. At one point I decided that majors don't completely restrict you to a particular job, that it's probably just something you show employers so they know you're prepared for whatever job you take. So I figured "computer science sounds fancy. I could get anything with that one," and here I am. In a s**t community college where no one gives a ******** about anyone else. And there's lots of older women who don't look so old until you find out they all have ******** kids.
I don't like kids too much either, now. As in, I don't like the idea of having them anymore. They make s**t so complicated. ******** wanting to start a family. That is the MOST BULLSHIT ANSWER I've EVER ******** heard for having kids!! They make s**t so ******** complicated, once you have a kid, no- once you get some girl pregnant, it's already an issue with all the abortion controversy. But until she has the baby, you're not completely ********. There's no backing out after that. How about just loving each other instead of having to take care of some stupid little s**t? I obviously feel very strongly about this. Maybe that will change in time.
So after everything that happened, I want to go back to where the new era started. Back to the Florida State University party school. What the hell is wrong with me... I ask that, and yet I smile as I'm writing it.