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I don't want to spend all my time writing negative things or even things strictly about her. I want to let anyone who bothers reading this that I am having a decent time with myself and those around me. Like my streaming (twitch.tv/MrPervSan) has really gone up there. Even though I'm no where near the big league players with 1k viewership every time I go live, I have a wonderfully dedicated crowd of people whom are all interested in watching me play and even joining me. Met this wonderful Canadian artist named Zelfie who has taken it upon herself to draw tons of artwork consisting of what goes on during the stream. Great girl, not my taste though... I don't think I'll be interested in any woman any time soon.

Recently finished the first chapter of my Fallout DnD with Zelfie and even though there was a huge pause in the beginning, her being shy and all, she came out very well and did an amazing job! I know she would have had just as much fun if her shifts weren't so late and she actually had time to do them. I always wanted to do a DnD with her, but time between us was always rather limited to just small hellos and how did each day go.

My work starts next week which is something I'm DYING to ******** start. I'm talking to old friends I haven't spoken to in years because of problems in the past. I guess this whole turn of events made me realize that there's always time to salvage any relationship as long as you make the effort to talk through everything. Though, I've also realized some relationships could never come back like one with one of my oldest friends. I can't stand the idea of the whore sleeping with him but I guess I'm just bitter even more than ever because I don't have someone warming my bed (Though, I wouldn't take back that slut even if I was to be lonely forever!)

At the end of this, I really want to convey that I am fine. There are times I crumble and fall apart because of my memories and intense desires to see you again, Stephanie. But, I can pick myself up again and keep moving. I'm just holding out as long as I can... Maybe lying to myself that you'll someday come back and talk to me. Bwah... What am I kidding? You hate me and you had someone write it out for you. Even my own twin is reinforcing the idea that it doesn't matter if you did or didn't write it, it still reflects the message:

"That you don't want me and that I should get over it."

Well, if you can flip the bird at me and say goodbye with an email not even written by you, can't I stay around and love you till there's no more love in my heart? I mean seriously, is there anything wrong with it? Why does it bother anyone if I know and she knows that there isn't going to be anything from it? It'd hurt me more? My life is filled with pains and me overcoming them. This is no different and I'll keep living, just like the last time you left me. I don't get why people can't understand that everyone has a different way of handling things. Just because what they do doesn't fit in your book doesn't mean it's wrong, it's just different.

In the end, if people are still considered for what I do with the aftermath then they just need to realize that I'm coping with it my own way. If you have a problem with me still loving you then honestly...Let me like the way you're forcing me to accept you'll never be in my life. How unfair it is to believe that you're forcing something on me whilst I'm not allowed to do what I feel helps me through the night? I will keep saving pictures of anime couples that I think look like us, I'll keep saving attractive anime woman that remind me of you till the day I lose this love in my heart for you. And when that day comes, everyone will know.