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Okay.. this is what I saw...

Back in ...s**t.. 3 months ago or something.. what was that..?

March? I'm ******** horrible with dates and this is now driving me insane, I mean literally insane that I can't remember when exactly.. but it was awhile ago, at least more than a month ago..

Okay, tangent.. whatever... I met up ( online anyway ) with an ex girlfriend of mine, one which I had ******** up on horrendously.. and then we got to talking again.. calling.. all that fun stuff.. and we realized we both really care for each other again. SOoo.... I proposed she come out here in June.. June 19th... and we 'hooked back up' which is really cool.. and I might just be remembering wrong, but I remember it being awhile ago...

So anyway.. this is what I'm getting at.. We're together...and I haven't been able to call her which is driving me ******** insane because I want to, and I don't have time and I know she doesn't because of testing and work.. and her mom breathing down her neck and all that jazz so I'm trying to just be really really patient and cool about this sorta stuff... it's hard.. but I trust her..

I mean, I ******** it up bad last time, so I can only put my trust in her.. So I just go browsin about the internet... Gaia in particular ( which she is on, KeijiSawaguchi ) and I see her ex or whatever... Xanak, right? and I'm like. 'cool I get to see what he looked like' and all that junk, so I start reading through his journal and I get across this one marked April... which was last month.. and then this entry about a mark on his neck and how I think her and Xanak were still together in April...

I could be wrong.. it could have been this Suzy lady... but it's seriously ******** flipping me out, badly. I mean, ******** horrendously badly because I really can't take this right now..

I just had a lot of bad s**t happen.. A LOT of bad s**t.. So here's the list and the thing which is flipping me out really ******** badly...

First...
Okay.. so this apartment hunting thing is going well, but it's pushed DANGEROUSLY close to when she's supposed to come out here.. I mean now it's guaranteed but we have to get furniture and all this s**t which is my responsibility same with the ******** utilities.. this is driving me insane.. I'm trying hard..

Second...
My sister found our favorite cat.. Lucky... outside our back door with his eye hanging out, and a bloody jaw just sitting there, her screaming bloody murder, molly crying and we had to take him to the hospital.. luckily he made it there and they said he's going to be alright.. just a bit blind in one eye... got hit by a car apparently..

Third...

...This...
http://www.gaiaonline.com/journal/index.php?mode=view&p=3406643
...Is...
really ..really making me suddenly want to crack and just fall to pieces... it's what the original rant was about... I love Allison and even though I don't have time.. and neither does she... I hope she knows I love her, a lot.. a LOT a lot... and that I am really grateful that she was willing to give me a second chance..

But...th...the date is just.... that's why I'm wondering when we got back together... because if that really was in April... we'd...been together... and now there's a hickey on his neck from him and they only broke up recently..? I..I don't ******** get it.. I mean.. I'm not local.. I ... I'm not anywhere near local... I live across the ******** USA.. b...but I dunno.. it's...flipping me out really really badly and I need to talk to her about it.. but then it's going to be like I was snooping when I was just browsin around, remembering what she told me about this Xanak guy...

EDIT: I looked back a little further and apparently they had broken up.. but the thing which is getting me is why that is there and why it's in April.. but I think the best way is to ask... right? I mean... I'm flipping out badly.. but I'm still gonna ask and maybe I can be rational about it.