Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It's just simply traditional to sit down at the end of one year (even though I'm technically a day late on this) and review it. To say good bye to a year gone, and hello to a year anew with hopefully new beginnings and some awesome changes. Sadly, that doesn't always happen.

I remember last year, when I sat down to review my 2013 and said to myself that 2013 was pretty great. I spent half of it in our own apartment, with a pretty awesome roommate. Got to spend more time with friends at any time of day or night, and made some pretty awesome progress up the ranks in the job I had at the time. Granted the apartment became difficult to manage when the Florida summer rains came and roaches overtook the place. But that was the highlight of my 2013.

When 2014 came knocking, I had a sense of dread about it. I was living with my boyfriend's parents (which hadn't gone well before), and saw no way to getting out. I started to hate my job because my manager refused to hire enough people so I could actually call out while I was sick (I was not going to serve people their food while my nose was actively dripping). I also felt trapped in my whereabouts. And I was. I spent all of 2014 living with my boyfriend's parents. Early on, I quit my job, wanting to take a break to reassess what I wanted my career to be, because being a waitress wasn't cutting it for me. I fell off the deep end, gaining more weight than ever and reaching the highest weight I'd ever been. Had no sympathy from anyone besides my boyfriend who was constantly working.

I decided in May of last year that I wanted to be working in the veterinary field. I started studying for a Vet Tech degree in college and started making plans to go further for a DVM to be a Veterinarian. This has been met with a lot of doubt and negativity from a lot of people including my boyfriend, who all seem to think that I won't make it that far. And it's really put a drag on me. I can't seem to get full support in my actions from anyone. I seem to think it's because I'm doing something really stupid, but I'm not. I making extremely safe decisions.

But the upside to this is I've had a history of using this to drive myself to prove doubters wrong. So I've been very stern about my plans to possibly make it to DVM. Granted, I really want to go to an Ivy League school for this, and who's heard of a high school drop out going to an Ivy League school, but I will, somehow get to be a DVM. Even if I don't go to Cornell.

Halfway through the year, right before I was supposed to be starting my online program, we got an opportunity to move to New York. Having dreams of wanting to get into Cornell, I was completely on board with moving, even if that meant that I had to live with these negative people a little while longer. It's been difficult. Very difficult. It's so complicated, it's hard to get into right here. So I won't, but just know, I regret moving. I can't be myself anymore. I've edited myself around these people (not my boyfriend, thankfully) so much, that when I show just a hint of my true self they look at me like I'm fake. They look at me like I'm breaking some household quota. And then they turn around and say I'm lame for not being spontaneous. No, that's not the case at all. I'm just not going to subject myself to harsher ridicule if I were to act that way.

So, as I start 2015 in a place I do not know, with people I do not trust...all I can say is...it can only go up from here.

I have no plans to stop going to college. I will be a Vet Tech at the very least, which actually isn't a hard program at all, but will give me way more opportunity for higher salaries. I am looking at ways to get out of this situation. My boyfriend is quite cynical about it, but I'm telling him just to listen to me. We'll figure out how to make it work. Cause I'd rather be struggling with him financially, without the mind games, than to stay here wasting money on things we don't need dealing with the mind games 24/7.

So I do have hope that 2015 will be a good year. How will I make that happen? I don't know yet. I need to let some things play out before I figure that out. And that's ok. I'm not sitting on my a** doing nothing. I'm working towards changing my future. And hopefully I'll soon be able to translate that into changing someone else's future.