I am still drifting that line of being okay and being in distress. I do think about killing myself and leaving everyone. I do have days where everything is wonderful and new. I have passions that I desperately wish to get back to but something keeps me from them. If I could be with them, I might be okay. Instead I pound against the glass. I don't know what I should do about it.
The guy in my art class, the one that wrote me the confession note, has been flirting with me. I'm trying my hardest to take it slow and just talk. I have stalker cravings but at least he wants me to ask questions. That keeps me hoping that he isn't going to play with my heart. He'll tell me straight up what he wants or I'll ask and we'll be okay. He's handsome and cool. For some reason we actually have a lot in common? It's scary.
I got into a fight with my boss today because I messed up on Saturday. She purposely prodded me, not that I'm saying it was okay for me to do what I did. I hurt her feelings and ended up crying about it. I saw her as a friend so to have her talk to me like all the angry customers, I couldn't take it. I sit though the customers but I shouldn't have to sit through a grown-a** woman that is my boss just to make her feel better. That is why women have husbands and friends!
I'm not a punching bag.
So I've got to stop treating myself like one.
I deserve better.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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