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Just to Remember the Taste
So...tell me fellow gaians, what is the point? I mean really what is the point of letting someone in, letting them know everything about you when in reality, you are just going to go separate ways eventually down the road? Am I a fool to hold on to that question? I don't know, though I really don't care, well not at this time I don't. Hell what's the point in being completely open to people who ain't themselves? The probably isn't that I don't know you, besides the fact is that I want to spend years getting to know you but that isn't going to happen. The problem is me, which it has always been me. I feel like a door, thinking stupid s**t like maybe things would be different if I was different. Maybe you wouldn't hesitate if I hadn't, But I can't change who I am in a year, you just push and push and don't let up. No one else does that. Don't ignore me like I ain't even worth your time of day. Don't shut me out but you do and you just won't stop. No matter how much I beg or try and talk to you, you still set there silent and the more silent you are and as I glance over at you and you look straight out the window or I see you roll your eyes, the more I want to know about what is running through your mind. Already, you know more about me then most of my family and other friends but that doesn't matter, it isn't enough. It doesn't matter that I already feel vulnerable because you give me a place in your bed when I desperately need to get away. Can you not try and see my point of view? I can not be broken down, I can not be changed, but am I even worth trying? My phone goes off but even as I hope, it isn't you and yet I already know you won't give in. I have always been like this, like a puzzle that you are working on and you are almost finished but there are pieces you can't find, and it's the biggest pieces to the puzzle, the ones that made me how I am now but you can't find them so you can't finish the puzzle. So in my secretive hiding ways, you get annoyed but can you blame me? Can you not see that I don't want you to know all the ups and downs of my life? Maybe I am being selfish, but my pride holds up them walls strong. Yet the more you push and push and when it's all said and done and we're back to square one, the more them walls are down but its too late then but when things get back to normal, they go back up. What you said in church goes through my mind and I try to imagine you not in my life, but, I can't explain it and it doesn't matter. I needed to rant on this lovely Sunday, hope everyone has a wonderful Easter.
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