Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Mmm~ I got to talking to Jayme about seeing a Psychic, totally random maybe but I saw a commercial on tv. for a medium and she was like dead on and it got me thinking. Besides all that, I've always wanted to see a Psychic one day. I thought maybe me and a friend could have gone out for a birthday some time. I had thought it would be a cute treat for Dev, well that or taking her out to dance ;D I had wanted to do that. Guess that's off the table now XDDDD oh well.

Anyway. ( I'm really not that heartbroken, just writing down the train of thoughts ^^ ) I looked up the Psychics and then looked up Hypnotherapy. My goodness it is scary. I mean, think about what they might say to you and what if it was true? What if it was a waste of money? I mean, they cost a lot! Have you ever checked?

Ho Hum. Again in the competition show, the person I was rooting for lost. Sigh. Ah well. He was cute but I loved Austin so much more. He was such an adorable Diva <3 Love love love <3

Maybe tomorrow I'll try to go out dancing? I need to do something fun ^^ I don't want to buy a movie and dancing sounds like such a cool thing to do ^^ Besides, I want to wear a dress and make up and I feel SO DAMN GORGEOUS ;D

I love it when my hair comes out. Like, there is this perfect look it gets where the highlights just POP. I love it <3 Love love love it <3

Mmm~ I've been trying to think of cool names and themes for a tumblr & art shop. I mean, if I'm going to make art, I need to have a style. That style needs to flow. Thinking of titles and themes makes me think of art styles = w = I get inspired really strangely. I mean, I think about taking things from other works that inspire me but I know it wouldn't make me as happy as if I kept pushing at this wall.

I get so down because I know I'm making progress. I don't think that I can make this kind of mental & creative progress if I am on medication. Yet at the same time, making this progress is such a risk for me. I go into such spirals and bipolar swings. I want to sleep a ton more and eat. Oh god, do I want to eat. I want to eat everything in the house so I can just starve myself. I need to thin up again. I am so scared my perfect a** is gonna blow up. *O* I'm totally running next week. I mean, I was going to anyway because my thighs are HUGE but w/e. XDDDD That's me ;D

Mmm~ on the friend front, I still feel a bit betrayed. I mean I shouldn't but I'm just that demanding type that really wants the love of the other people. Maybe you could call that a drama whore or attention getter? I don't care what you want to call it. Honestly, there is drama everywhere in life and if I make more, it is probably because I just like to live with everything on the edge XDDDD well, until I meet someone and then I want to be normal XDDDDD such a weird circle it is.