I wish I stayed true to what I believed back then. I wish I never let myself fall in love.
Here's another teenage drama xD
April 19, 2010 I fell for a boy for the first time in my life. He lied to me, played with my emotions, and dared to say he loved me, I believed in him. He broke my heart September 21, 2010. Two days after our five month. On stop light day at our school, where you wore colors to determine your relationship status; Red for in a relationship, yellow for crushing on someone, and green for single. He wore a red shirt over green sleeves, and took off the red shirt mid-day before ending it at lunch. I was stricken, surprised, crushed, nothing short of what a normal teenager would feel in this situation. He said he wanted to be best friends still.
From him I've learned many things. First off, first relationships no matter how hard you try will not work out, not when you're fourteen, not when you have no idea what you're getting into, it's a trial and error stage. Second, he made me cherish my virginity, I look around at all the girls who gave it up just because they felt it was 'real'. And later on, that same person who stole their heart and virginity, broke their heart as well. Third, thinking about someone else when you're in a relationship is indeed cheating. And the worst kind of cheating there is. When you think about someone else, it means you truly love someone other then the person you're with. And fourth, you can remain friends at a price.
Him and I do remain very close friends, close enough that I've yet to actually have another real boyfriend. Close enough to where people still think we are dating. In August of last year we actually tried to date again, but it was only a week and he was pulling crap again, so this time it was ended mutually. It's taken months for us to go back to our regular friendship. I still have very strong feelings for him, and to him I'm nothing more than a friend, a friend that he believes is slightly more, yet he does not have slightly more feelings for. It's a weird relationship, one that comes with jealousy on my part, comfort for certain things on his, and a load of unanswered, unasked, banished questions.
He still makes me laugh everyday, still consoles me in my time of need, still hugs me to my liking, still has regular texting conversations with me, still lies to me, but not as much, and he is my best guy friend, who still has my heart. But day by day, I think I'm getting it back, piece by piece. And I'm realizing our friendship is something I've always wanted. Hopefully, we can make it to a point I no longer feel anything but friendship. But until then, I'll pretend when he holds my hand it means nothing to me, when it actually means almost everything.
Young love, it sucks. But you learn from it.
-Silent
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Angel show up in the strangest of places . . . So keep your mind open.
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