Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I would really like to place this down somewhere, and my gaia journal seems perfect. Warning: vent ahead.

Two days ago, Adam asked, out of nowhere really, if I wanted to move to Oklahoma.
When I say "out of nowhere", I don't really mean that... The subject of moving there has come up over the years, but this time... it's actually real.
Before, I always said no. That I was in school or that I just couldn't leave my family. But this time... I said yes. I made up my mind that I was going to pack up my belongings and move half way across the country in order to start my own life.
Three of his friends (and a friend of theirs) are up there right now making a ton of money on sturdy jobs (two of them are working, one is the girlfriend of one of the guys, and she's not currently working). They told Adam that he was guaranteed a position with them if he were to come up there with him. They're staying in a four room house, and one of those rooms is available.
The city is Durant. It's home to Southeastern Oklahoma State University. I could literally walk to school every day. The only stressful part if transferring my credits and getting accepted. Even if I don't, there is a community college about a 30 minute drive away (albeit in Texas) and a tech center 10 minutes away. School just isn't an excuse at this point.
With this job, Adam could afford to take me up there with him and still have money on the side to save up (his friend is actually doing the same thing right now with his girlfriend).

There is a problem, though. At least, it's a problem in my eyes. I'll be leaving home for the first time. I've never been one who could stay away for very long. I'm talking chickening out of slumber parties when I was a kid. I eventually got over that (although I still only did it on rare occasions in high school), but that feeling of homesickness has never gone away. I don't think it was more than two years ago that I was staying the night at Adam's current rental and crying because he wouldn't take me home. Granted, I wasn't prepared. I thought it was just going to be a day thing.

I haven't been able to sleep since we brought this up. I just keep thinking about it all. Packing, letting everyone know, what to bring, what to get rid of, changing my address, etc. I will just randomly start crying over the idea of not living here.
It's not just the family thing, though. It's the pets. Johnny, Nala, and Sassy are all virtually attached to my hip. The thought of them being confused when they don't see me again is bringing tears to my eyes even as I type this. And as for Stewie and Goliath... This is where I get worried. I am the only one who took the time to read up on their proper diets. The only one who cleans their cage. The only one who takes time of their day to sit and talk with them, just to get them used to us. They are still skittish and ornery little birds, but it's easy to tell that I am getting somewhere with them.
Will anyone take care of them when I'm gone? Or will they allow them to walk around in their own filth? Will they get sick and die because nobody checks their water for droppings or bits of food? Will anyone remember to refill their food dishes every day?
I wish I could just take them with me. Adam pretty much hates all of our pets. Even the crabs (all of whom I will be taking with me), but they keep him up at night sometimes, so I can see why. He is allergic to cats, and even if he wasn't... they are our family pets. I couldn't just take them away. I am most worried about the birds simply because of their health. I am heartbroken at the thought of not being with Nala, Sassy, and Johnny, but I am at least confident that someone will be caring for them.
Another thing: I'm going to be lonely. These animals have been my sole source of companionship for years. Sure, I talk with my family and Adam, and even occasionally see a friend at school... but it's not the same. These guys are my best friends. And I'm just leaving them. :'( I wish they could understand what a goodbye was.

The dates are iffy... But I believe this is something that is supposed to happen within the next 30 days or so. Yeah, crazy.

I have two options (three if you count not going at all - and Adam said that if I was not ok with it, we wouldn't go. But he is short on options as he is out of a job in two weeks, and this one being offered is really good and stable): Go with Adam when his friend (the girlfriend I mentioned earlier, who is also a friend of his) comes down here to get her boyfriend's car; OR I could wait here, take my time and whatnot as Adam gets things situated up there, and go up there when he comes back to get his car. The latter would probably add a good month to my preparation time.

He says he wants me to go up there with him right away, but says it's up to me.
I would also like to go up there right away, but would also like to take my time getting this info out to my family. The second option sounds best... I know. But at the same time, I am eager. I have been feeling so incredibly down since I turned 19 and still found myself in my parents' house. I want to get out of their hair.
In the end, I will probably end up waiting for him to get things settled. At the same time, though, I feel like that will only give me more time to be sad.

I already plan to buy my parents' a web cam before I go, as well as teach them how to use Skype. Des, too.
I'll also have to stop by my dad's... Probably go visit my grandparents.

Yeah. I think I'll be going with the latter option.

This is all so sudden! So hectic! I literally sat in bed for two hours trying not to think about it before I decided to just get up and vent a little.

Even through all of this insanity... I want to do it! I'm excited, even. I already know the people that are up there (save the extra friend that neither of us know), and know that I get along with them so that is a huge load off.

I guess my only dilemma is the goodbyes. But that's reasonable... Oh, and then there's breaking the news to everyone because I still haven't talked to anyone about it! :s