Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

What if I moved to Oklahoma?

What if I only saw my parents, my family, on holidays?
What if I lived with my boyfriend's friends, and was never comfortable in the home I live in?

But what if I did it and I changed for the better? What if, by living with his friends, I became less shy? What if I was just happy?
So what if I don't get to live with my mommy... I can't stay here forever. I can't sacrifice the opportunity to grow up and make a family of my own in order to stay with my "old" family.
I mean, that would be a long ways off, obviously, but it could happen someday.
Adam doesn't want to stay in Oakdale forever. He said he has always had every intention of leaving California.
Personally, I've always dreamed of living in the same town as my parents. I always thought it would be great to be able to walk my kid down the street to see their grandparents. I wanted to live near everyone, to see them on even the most mundane of holidays. I don't want to be the one who moved a two days drive away. I don't want to be the one who everyone asks about on Soandso's birthday. I want to be there. I want to hand them the gift I bought them, say happy birthday, and maybe ask them how someone else is doing because they decided to move far away.

At the same time... Oklahoma sounds nice. Adam could get a really, really good job. He would be able to support me and still be able to save up so we could get our own house.
Maybe I don't want to stay here forever. The rest of the world has to be nice too, right? Why should I have to stay here forever just because everyone else decided to?

There is nothing holding me back other than this feeling of dread over not being able to see my family every day. But that's a big deal to me... :[