So I know no one is subscribed to me twisted but no worries I am not mad at you guys heart So I'm just in my room relaxing with some beautiful iamx. One day I will meet Chris Corner and see him live but until that day I can only be heavily influenced by his beautiful music. You know that's the thing about music, it has no biased. This new year will be very new. by that I mean that I feel a change in the winds, as some would say. Graduation's rounding near and I am moving to a new city...one that is bigger and not so depressing, and on top of that, I have a wonderful new boyfriend. For once I can say it sounds like a recipe for success. I don't believe in new years resolutions so that base is covered. Anyway, yeah...I'm excited for this year. I hopefully can find a job in my new city (considering the one i live in now has one of the highest unemployment rates in the ******** country!) and get a apartment and start my new life. I would decribe this experience best as saying its like going outside of a warm home and breathing in the icy, clean, winter air. I love that so much 4laugh I hate using those faces while in the middle of a journal entry because they make the spacing all screwy...I guess just a little thing that bothers me. I suppose I could delve a little bit into my relationship with my dad. I don't really know my feelings toward him, but I have stopped emailing him once again. It's just hard to know what to think. What he did ( and who the hell knows if he still does) in the past was so wrong and completely immoral... but he just....gah I don't know. I just feel the chapter in my life with my dad is over. I'm definitely coming to terms with everything I've done and what has happened. All of my past boyfriends, the decisions I've regretted...it's actually nice, I feel I am finally accepting what Jake did to me. I don't even feel the need to call him a souless ginger b*****d (well maybe a little bit but who cares twisted ). And I know I'm being specific while being completely vague but you guys can deal with it right? So evidently my boyfriend, Eric, is reading these, and to him I say...why are you reading these silly!!! and also love you! Anyway back to my past relationships, and I'm going to continue being vaguely specific. I'm also starting to accept my careless behavior with Raymond. He reminded me a lot of Jake...that was definitely a dark time in my life. I still remember all of my past boyfriends and how i felt with them, but I am leaving them behind. They no longer are going to control my feelings and will only be mistakes that help me determine a brighter future. Ah~ chillin with some Elysian Fields, I still like her but there is certain things I don't like. Anyway I'm not going to start going off on a boring topic. I swear this journal entry is a record on length! I feel as though I'm writing an email to someone XD yes, I write super fun filled emails. Well, I don't think I left much out...hmm...just going to be a changing, beautiful year. hopefully getting closer to my goal to be happy and ultimate smile apperently I need to choose a new word other than ultimate though...I just remembered getting made fun of for it. ^^ whatever I still love it. Wait there's one area I forgot to bring up sweatdrop Just remembered it after I posted this. So...my dream...the horrid ones are not as frequent and haven't had them in a while. I understand what they mean I guess but they still have left a huge scar in my mind...even now as I think about it. I really think my life, and even me, is changing. I hope to never fall back on depression again in my life. the sweet seductive despair... Anyway thank you for dealing with me people, hope you all have a really good 2012! Write you later heart
 Sardine Thief · Mon Jan 02, 2012 @ 02:28am · 0 Comments |
