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I can't really say much about my life, other than right now I'm beginning to feel a little lonely, on the inside. I mean I don't understand, every day I wake up go to school don't start trouble talk to the usual people and all that stuff. Every day I either get ridiculed by idiots or I just wind up existing and nothing new happens. I mean I know I could have a girlfriend and stuff, but I just don't have feelings for anyone. I mean... I don't know it's beginning to bother me more than usual, I try to be this nice great guy which naturally I am because I have a heart, but I mean I'm also lazy and have an attitude problem with some people.

People say I can't get over my ex, but I know for a fact that's over. NO way in hell am I ever going to go back to her. I wish people would just believe me when I say that's over and nothing is going to happen with her. I wish that I could just forget about her and it would all be over, but my friend is dating her now. I mean I would like to just forget this as soon as possible, because I just know it's going to wind up killing me inside if I don't. Maybe that's why I don't love anyone anymore, I really thought I had something with her and she didn't share those feelings, I put myself out there and got shredded. My family seems to hate me just because I don't do everything and I am rather lazy, but I mean I am a teenager and growing up, I get enough s**t to where I just don't feel like doing anything. The only person I truely trust more than anything is my best friend, and he is dating my ex and also the day before my birthday next year he is leaving for the navy.

It would be so nice to just have something work out though, I mean it's honestly bugging me that so much goes to hell. I don't want to end up like my mom who can't find the positive to any negative. That's maybe why so many people who think negatively bother me. I want a fate that's different than my family but it seems like all I seem to do is get slowly dragged back into that situation. I just want to be happy honostly and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to be able to find that bit of happiness.

Whatever though, I'll find something I'm sure, I'm just so tired of the endless crap. The only ones I have seemed to trust I have either been seperated from or they have betrayed me. I really don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, but whatever. If you read this I only ask that you comment because any bit of support or anything would be much appreciated right now.
Later,
Masayoshi