The following excerpts are from my daily planner used throughout my years in High School.
"Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it."
...for like 15 straight minutes in long run-on sentences, like this one, about absolutely meaningless stuff that just fills my pre-sleep time....
Just go away--get out of my life!
If I don't want you, get out of my sight!
If you don't want me, then I'll just do as I have, and admire you from afar....
I want a girl who's just like me--though not ENTIRELY!
I want a boy who's passionate, loyal, and loving--not to mention similarly linked to me!
It all returns to nothing; it all comes tumbling down.
I'll kill you all--I don't care when, I don't care how--I will destroy you all!!
Chaos, Ruin, and Despair shall reign this land of black, blood, & grey!!
And rose petals--my red blood--shall fall like rain in my presence.
Black crow and raven feathers shall descend & envelope all who stand against my reich!!!!
I am unsure if the following is one piece or two separate ones.
If we see what we want to, & hear what we want to, then are we really hearing the same thing at all? Have we all experienced the same thing ever at all?
Empty and broken I fall from the sky, never again to hear my brother whine, wanting for some material thing ever again. Yeah!
My mind--it is weary, my sight--it is bleary, my heart--it is teary, all because of the things that are now dead!! I want to--need to--find a place where it is just me, where there's nobody else, so I can be free!! Yeah! So why is it that I cannot find, this land of freedom & fantasy, perhaps maybe, just maybe, it can only ever exist in my mind! Is it only a dream, is it only a wish, is it only a thought of fantacy!! Perhaps, maybe--NO NEVER! Yeah!!
Ribbons, entwine me, come circle my head, come bind this body to my head, and bring me to realize that all I need is paper and pencil and IMAGINATION! Yeah!
--page break--
In the imperfect being, I find perfection, something that none of you can see! Yeah! Why is it that I can make music, and I can write a poem, but never can I write a song on my own?!
Surrounded by darkness you entered as light, whispered to me that I was alright. But you lied when was said, that you did love, for the thing called 'love' is just as light as...a feather in the wind.
And so, with that said, I can return to the place in my head, where nothing is ment to, but I am dead. So I wander from day to day, looking for an outlook so that I can say: I am happy to be in the world, alive at this time, for there is nowhere better...to be...!!
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Chaotic Feelings...
The place where I talk to my thoughts and write seemingly useful things....