Right now, I'm listening to Final Fantasy VII OST songs. I'm doing so because a lot of those songs are sad and that's how I feel right now. I didn't know I could really get this sad. I know I didn't try hard enough and that's what makes me even more sad. But, then again, I knew love wasn't something for me to mess with. It never worked for me in any way. How could it possibly work this time? 10000 miles of ocean, 13 years and a full set of customs and habits divided us. There was no way we could make this work. There are some boundaries that just can't be broken. Love doesn't stand a chance against the world. Love is something you should only feel for someone your age that lives next to you and that has things and likes in common with you. Otherwise, it will fail. And if you are a weird person that doesn't feel the same way others do, and if you are empty inside and if you don't have any interest in life whatsoever, don't even think of trying it. It's not for you. I know. I thought I knew about life and all its tricks. But I was wrong. I don't know anything. No one is capable of loving me so why do I let them try? Do I wish that someone could love me? Do I? I guess I do... But there is no one. I used to flirt with all the girls and that's what brought this upon me. It's entirely my fault. Now I regret it. I should have never flirted. I should have known better. Do I regret the good moments just because they lead me to the bad ones? Not really... I just miss the good moments. Would I do it again? Would I try to fill my heart with love again? I wish I could but I'm afraid. I don't want to fail again. And since it's me we're talking about, failing is inevitable. I should stop worrying about it and just forget it all. But that's beyond me. I only live in the past. The present sucks and the future is a lie. There's nothing more. I'm out of ideas. What do I do now? Nothing I guess. There's nothing else to do. I'll just keep breathing and eating and drinking water and sleeping and working. I think that at some point I'll die. I just don't want to die before my parents or my brother. I have to take care of them. After that, my task is complete and I can disappear without regrets. Well, full of regrets, but without responsibilities. When everything is over, I won't have to worry about anything else. I'll just have to endure life until then. As long as I don't try anything stupid, it will be okay.
...
Okay...
It will never be okay
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FerHanKlassar Community Member 
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