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Nursery rhymes are said, verses in my head
Into my childhood they’re spoon fed
Hidden violence revealed
Darkness that seems real
Look at the pages that cause all this evil
(Jonathan Davis, Korn)
We all loved nursery rhymes when we were kids, but
truth be told, many of those rhymes were violent and
had something to do with death, beating, getting the
si!t scared out of you, etc. Here, for your enjoyment,
are a bunch of nursery rhymes that are much more
honest.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
But Jack made a pass
and grabbed Jill's a**
Now his two front teeth are missing
Jack 'n Jill went up the hill to have a little fun
Jack fell down and Jill looked down
And said "Gee I could do better then this one!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck & a quarter,
Jill came down with two and a half, still think they went for water?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of
water
I don't know what they did up there
But now they have a daughter!
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Mary had an little lamb
It danced in skips and hops,
It danced into the road one day
And ended up as chops
Mary had a little lamb,
That'll teach her to sleep in the barn.
Mary had a little lamb,
so goes the tale of yore.
She loved that little lamb so much,
she passed the plate for more.
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised,
But when Old McDonald had a farm,
He couldn't believe his eyes.
Mary had a little Lamb,
She fed it castor oil,
And everywhere that Mary went
it fertilized the soil.
Mary had a little Lamb,
It followed her to school,
They tied a brick around its neck
And drowned it in the pool.
Mary had a little lamb,
It was a real prize winner,
She loved that little lamb so much,
She served it up for dinner.
Mary had a little lamb.
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate,
And had a little more?
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little b*****d.
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's a**,
And turned it's wool to nylon.
Mary had a William goat,
Its stomach was lined with zinc,
It followed her to school one day,
And drank a pint of ink.
Once it ate an oyster can,
And a line of shirts,
The shirts can do no harm inside,
But oh, the oyster hurts!
The can was filled with dynamite,
Which Billy thought was cheese,
He rubbed against poor Mary's shin,
His deep distress to ease.
The was a flash of girl and goat,
And quite an acrid smell
Oh Mary's soul to heaven went,
And Billy's went ... there too.
Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the Money.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Wondering what game she could play;
Along came Jack Horner
Who'd deserted his corner;
What followed I'd rather not say.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her Irish stew.
Down came a spider and sat down beside her,
And so she ate him up, too!
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Drinking up gasoline.
Down came a spider and lit up a lighter,
And blew her to smithereens!
Little Miss muffet sat on her tuffet.
Eating her curds and whey.
Down came a spider,
And sat down beside her.
And Thwack! - it soon passed away.
My Bonnie leaned over the gas-tank,
the height of its contents to see.
I lighted a match to assist her...
O, bring back my Bonnie to me!
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And buckets of weedkiller.
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
watched her garden thrive.
The cops found seed of a rather odd weed.
Now she's doing three to five
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,
How I wonder what you're at;
Up above the world so high,
Like a tea-tray in the sky,
Twinkle, twinkle little bat,
How I wonder what you're at.
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific;
Loftily poised in ether capacious,
Somewhat resembling a gem carbonaceous,
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific
Hail Mary, full of grace
Stepped on her dress
and fell on her face.
Twinkle twinkle little star
I wonder what the hell you are
Are you friend or are you foe
Or are you a UFO?
Twinkle twinkle little star
I wonder what the hell you are
The virus in the DellTM,
The virus in the DellTM,
Hey, ho, the derry-oh,
The virus in the DellTM!
The virus takes a file,
The virus takes a file,
(etc)
The file takes a disk...(etc)
The disk takes the 'board...(etc)
The 'board takes the LAN...(etc)
The LAN takes the 'net...(etc)
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horseman and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
Georgie Porgie puddin’ and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
that’s when Georgie knew he was Gay
Georgie Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too – he was funny that way.
Hickory dickory dock,
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
But the other one got away.
Little Willy used to drink,
But he shall drink no more,
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2So4.
Little Willy found some dynamite,
He couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays,
It rained Willy whole seven days.
Mary had a little lamb, she also had a duck, she took it 'round the corner to teach it how to -fry some eggs for breakfast, fry some eggs for tea, the more you eat, the more you drink, the more you wanna- Peter had a boat, the boat began to rock, up jumped Jaws and bit off his- cocktails, ginger ale, 40c a glass, if you don't like them,shove it up your- ask me no more questions, tell me no more lies, I saw the boogeyman doing up his -flies are really nasty, bugs are even worse. This is the end of my silly little verse.
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick
Silly boy he should have jumped higher
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire
A lesbian lass from Khartoum
Took a gay fella' up to her room.
They argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
 Starlight Strawberries · Tue Nov 02, 2010 @ 02:19am · 0 Comments |
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