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Adam is smoking a lot.
It sucks, and not just because he's broken the "I quit" promise so many times. It's because it's bad for his health. He's always one to be sad about life and how he doesn't want it to end so soon. He even said one time that he knew all of the things he does to himself are unfair to me, and that he would stop because of how much he loves me. But now those words seem empty and meaningless. How could they have meaning when he won't follow up on it?
I keep thinking about death, and how he will not last long if he keeps this up. It's not fair. I want to be able to think of us together more than just 30 years from now. I want to grow old together, not alone and miserable. But if I mention how much I hate that he smokes he just brushes it off and makes a mean joke about it. Like on our walk this morning (ironically to get a cigar...), he held back a few paces and said he didn't want his smoke to ruin my "precious" exercise time. What is so bad about caring about his health? Why does it need to be met with rude jokes and "whatever"s? I just don't get it. I thought caring was a good thing.
He wanted to buy us each a month of WoW. At first I said no, because I didn't want him to waste his money any more than he already does. But then he bargained with me: he said he wouldn't buy cigarettes anymore if he could buy me a month, so I agreed. It didn't make things much better though, because now he is just smoking cigars. :/ And not like one every day or so, multiple in one day. I hate the smell, and I especially hate how bad it is for him. I guess to add to that list: I also hate how little influence I have over the situation. I get that it's his choice... it just sucks to know what it's doing to his lungs, and to know that even though he claims to care, he won't change it.
Plus, the spitting is absolutely horrid. >:/