My ex-lover John is going to be coming to visit on July 6th until July 13th. My boyfriend, Joseph Repko, swears that he doesn't care about it and that as long as John doesn't lay a hand on me everything will be fine.
I'm worried about him coming because, 1 he'll be the first ex-bf I have met in real life, 2. I'm worried he'll see my wound I got from trying to commit suicide the other day and tell Joseph that if he ever comes around me he'll punch his lights out. (I know they could both fight but I don't like guys fighting over me.) And 3. I'm a little concerned something might happen and I might feel so bad that I won't talk to either of them.
And no I'm not saying I'm worried I'm gonna have sex with him. =.= I'm worried like that I'll become so happy to have someone visit me. I'll forget why Joseph can't visit me and blame him for it instead of thinking long and hard of why he can't come.
Most people think. Your just bringing john over because you want to punish Joseph for not being able to come. Well thats not true. I've wanted to meet John since I was 13, and knowing he lives 1 state away from me is my chance to meet him. I've got 2 years before I become of legal age so I want to meet him before...Well I guess before I become legal...When I turn of 18 years it will be illegal for me to touch joseph for exactlly 1 year.
Most guys would see that as a time to try and take someone elses girl if there legal too. I'm not saying John is going to steal me. What I'm saying is I might become alone from the fact I cant do anything with Joseph that I'll start looking for other people. Frankly I was always worried about dating younger guys because it meant if I fell for them and wanted to be with them Id have to end up waiting for them.
And if most people already know me they know I'm not a patient girl >.<
I know the whole thing if you truly love them you'll wait for them, and yes I would wait forever for joseph if I had to but there are certain...Issues that prevent me from waiting...I'll be going to collage a year before him thus won't be able to talk to him at all. I'll be going to parties (wont drink) but I will. Thus even more busy. And I'll be looking for an apt to live in. And since alot of my family (real friends) are in different states its going to be hard to live alone unless John's offer of us paying for an apt together is my last option. I will have to take it.
What makes me sad is that...When I start to think about all this stuff...It makes me relieze that in 2 years...2 years. I'm gonna be pulled away from Joseph. Not because I want to, but because I want the future I've dreamed about for so long. And if I have a kid with him. I won't be able to do any of the things I've dreamed about doing for so long...
Its a choice I have to make...I'll hate it...But its between my future of being a vet and being happy and then be able to have children, or having kids, not having enough money to do my dream of being a vet never getting my dream house. and not being free to do all the things I wanted to do...
Alice the Abyss Community Member 
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