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You probably no longer care at this point, seeing as I HAVE been avoiding you. I’ve been running away, dodging the situation, being a horrible friend, call it what you want, I’ve been doing it.

Why? Because it’s hard to face it all. I should have been trying to resolve EVERYTHING from the start, rather than let it sit there and rot away, and I basically put it on your lap and was all “Well, here you can deal with it by yourself”. Selfish of me to do.

And even if I got you very angry, made you feel numb, ignored, unimportant, that’s not what I was trying to do. I was trying to just think, and let you think too. Some times having time for yourself is what people need. To cool down, to think things through to understand both sides, to just.. be calm in a way, about it.

I don’t want our friendship to end, ever. And the mistakes we make, make it hard to keep our friendship strong.I do apologize for taking you on the ride with me, another selfish move to have done. I never mean to hurt you, but I still do. and each hit is harder than the next. And I’m your so called “best friend”. What sort of best friend does that? I say I care and love you, but me leaving you there, letting your hand go and running away.. proved that I’m not worth being considered a friend.

In the end all I ever wanted to do is be a great friend to you, make a footprint in your heart, make you feel like SOMEONE understands you. Weather I did a good enough job for it or not well,.. that’s obviously up to you.

It’s been so hard to even approach you, I’ve been wanting to every single time, I type out what I want to say every time, but each time I hesitated and let it be. I would IM you right now, but I don’t think it’s the right time to do so.

The point of this whole thing, is not to end our friendship, but to take a break from it. I want to grow the ******** up, and be able to deal with these sorts of situations without being so childish about it.

I no longer want to hurt you, confuse you, make you feel empty anymore. I’m sick and tired of making those things come up, I mean they can’t be vanished, since it’ll always happen. But.. I can prevent them from ruining our friendship. And hopefully make them stop coming so often.

With or without me, you’ll be just fine. I know I’ll never forget you, and don’t plan to. If you do not accept the offer, then I’m glad I met you.

But if you do accept the offer, I will come back for you weather you’re at the point where we both meet, if you’re not there I’ll be waiting, and if you never come around, I’ll still be there just in case. I hope to find you again.

If you just don’t care about me anymore, then.. sorry for wasting your time

- The words of a fickle little girl who I gave everything to for over a year.

(Stupid, stupid me. Right?)