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The more I look deeper into this abyss before me, the more I begin to wonder more about myself. It's 3 AM and I've just turned out my only light, still unable to sleep- Another sleepless night, I'll tell myself. What a waste of time. What a waste of my life, I'll say. And yet, I'm still laying in bed, three o' clock in the morning, trying to find a way to keep my eyes closed long enough to keep myself more interested in my subconscious than the back of my eyelids.

Every morning. Christ, why? Five-Thirty wake up. I can' even fall asleep until around three. Why bother? Why should I risk my life and my health to come into school on a day like this? You have to, I'll say. Education takes priority. Health's below. Mentality is below. Why do you think your parents made you come in to school your whole life? You weren't supposed to quit- They were training you for the real world. Full of 5AM wake ups, coffee, and terrible drivers.

Morning commute. What a bore/drag/pain/breeze. Bore- what's worse than sitting in traffic for 1.5-2.5 hours, trying to sort a deal with the devil so that the car in front of you will simply move a few inches ahead. The guy in the car next to you keeps staring angry glances at you behind his sunglasses. It's like 6 in the morning, douche. Why are you wearing sunglasses? Oh yeah, the sunrise. But wait- Don't put yours on. He'll think you're trying to imitate him and pull out a gun or something. Who knows- It's too early to think. I guess this covers drag and pain, too. Although, pain holds a whole new reason when someone's in a car accident. That hurts. You breeze by to your destination about as often a you win the lottery- There's no reason to go into detail there.

Sit-downs. Why did you come in this early if you have nothing to do? Hang out with your friends? They're not your friends. They don't even try. Most of the time they make examples out of our stories or pretend they've got it worse off. Assholes. What ever happened to human kindness? The benefit of the doubt? Common Courtesies? We can't simply listen to another talk anymore. THe instant we get an idea in our heads, it's absolutely necessary to blurt it out without another moment's notice. Pigs. Take your time. I'll wait for you to finish. What was my thought again? I'm sorry you interrupted. I guess you'll never get it back. Get what back? What I was trying to say.

Classes. Silence. Who's going to talk while the teach is talking? Close your laptop, f*****t. Yeah- That guy will- The one sitting behind me while I take notes on my laptop. Ironic- You'd think if he didn't like it he'd mobe by now. But he's sat there all year. The day I stopped to play Minesweeper, he's the same guy kicking the back of my chair. DO you want the notes or not? What a waste of time.

Lunch. It's 12. I keep looking around for some kinda reprieve. Yeah right. Same people form the morning. People? Oh- Friends. Right. Sure. Put a label on crap that says it's chocolate cake and it doesn't taste any sweeter. Another waste of time. I'll spend most of it talking to the peopel I wish I could be attending college with. But they're too far away. What a drag.

Back to classes- Two wherein I can spend most of my time looking at my iPod and still pass the course with flying colors. How should I know who Marx is? Communism? Whatever. He's dead anyway.

Commute back home. Same idiots form this morning. That guy didn't evne take his sunglasses off. Well, I guess it's still kinda bright out. Bright enough for grandma to decide to drive out to the evening diner and get turned into grizzle as she makes a right turn from the left lane coming off the thruway. Looks like another 4 hour wait while the system takes their time sorting this out. Waste of time. If she's not dead (which she is) take her license.

Work. Still training. I'll be workign the register in a week or so. Who says I won't get sick of this job too? Who says it'll even matter? Who says it matters now. s**t, I know I don't.

Home. Sure I can be myself, as long as everyone else gets a turn first and only if it's with the skin off my back. Sure, I can relax, so long as I help everyone else relax first, sort out their problems, and make sure they're perfectly fine before I can ask them for help. What? You want our help? We're too busy relaxing. Go away. Why not? I can take another day. Or week. Or month. Or year. Or lifetime. I'm strong, right? I don't need time to relax. I'm a soldier. I won't fall.

Except I will.

Bedtime. It's midnight, already. Well, that's okay. Lights are off. Hi Ceiling. You going anywhere for the next three hours? Neither am I.