Lately my life seems so surreal. I feel invisible to the world. Of course, it's not the case. I'm seen, and somewhat heard. But, do they really hear me? Can they really see me? No matter how I put it, they'll never realize how I view things. I'm not like them.. Things effect me completely differently. Even if I tell them as clearly as I possibly can, because of their desires, their infatuations, and what they consider the best, they'll never really see it. If they do, they deny it. I can't pretend like I'm fine. I won't do that. It's basically lying. Maybe I'm being selfish, but aren't they as well? Trying to plot out someone else's future. Most of the time, if not all, when someone thinks it's 'best' for someone, it's usually not even close. Maybe because what they see is only the outside...So without knowing someone thoroughly how could you know what's best? It's really impossible to know someone that well. I really want to believe otherwise. I force myself to think "Oh, they would never do that to me." Deep down, I think it's exactly what they're doing. Even if they don't realize it. It hurts. It's a deep lingering pain, that even time can't heal. Maybe they don't see it that way. No, of course not. I almost think they realize this. All of this. But because of what they want, they'll never take one for me. I've taken far too many for them. I love them.. But when will they put themselves aside. Just this once. Give me this one chance. I'm almost glad I'll be leaving them in a few years. Even though it would be the saddest day. All day, I've felt like a voice inside me is screaming. Screaming as loud as it can scream. No one ever hears it. "I have love to give too!" or some other desire of the heart. For this, I feel surreal.
 Eleski · Mon Feb 22, 2010 @ 10:07pm · 0 Comments |
