Le sigh. Well. I must say. I am doing a horrible job keeping up with this journal. -Glares at it with spite.- And it has been more than a year since my last post. What to do? What to say? Well, I am not going to be repeating what I last wrote. Of course it's a new year, there will be change. My hopes are the same. My wants, needs and fears are still the same (though the fears have lessen...or more likely increased).
2010. It sounds weird, sounds science fiction almost. And here I am, still living to this day. -Sighs- I made it. I fought through another year, and now I have to be ready to fight again this year. 2009 to me, it felt like it never happened. The year went by fast for me to really enjoy it. Even the last three holidays of that year (Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas), did not feel like they even happen whenever that day passed. I did not have a Halloween. Thanksgiving was lovely, yet not warm enough, and Christmas? Christmas felt strange as the day went on. Hm...2010. I like how it sounds on my tongue, how it feels locked upon the roof of my mouth. Sounds like a lock or a name of a key...
I can't say for sure what change I have accomplished, but I do notice I'm creating more flaws in my life. I am finding shocking information about myself more and thinking about things I never thought to think at all at this time. It's scary, but exciting at the same time. Though it feels too early to say this, I feel something changing within myself and those around me. I notice that my patience, as much as I enjoy it, is now thinning. Though I do not know why. I am not in a hurry to do anything, though I shouldn't slow down either. But then again, what was the moral concerning the story of the Tortoise and the Hare?
I hurted people. I disappointed many and it was not my intention to. It seems harder to be selfless because it feels like you are caring so much what other people want without the focusing of yourself. I do care. I do care what people I care about say and feel. But I can't always come to their call, and if I don't for once, I am called selfish. Selfish? Noo. I am many things, but I am not selfish. Honestly, I can never see the world be truly satisfied for what they have. It's a shame really...
I am closing this journal for now. Pandora's Box still seems like a nice title. Oh how I love Greek and Roman mythology...
Well I suppose this will be it. Until next time, in this year hopefully.
Good day to you,
Lai
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Pandora's Box
"It was her curiousity that opened and released the chaos of evil..." Thoughts, dreams, and the daily life of this soul.
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Akio Lailie
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