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I Know what you are thinking. . . .How can a negative word and Christmas go together?? It was wild from the second I woke up. The night before, me and my lightskinlover exchanged gifts, he gave a beautiful necklace, and I gave him a lousy Madagascar Soundtrack CD (It was special, that song is like the one song that makes him laugh all the time "I like to move it move it"lol). Another thing that blew me was that my nephews, who are staying in my house with my brother and their mother, have like loads of presents under the tree and I was already forewarned I was not getting as much (financial problems). Just watching present after present go under that tree that night was like dot dot dot. . . .Lightskinlover was going off to Philadelphia the next day for Christmas and I decided not to join him, cause I knew i would be like the outcast plus nervous. When i woke up on Christmas, I got up and called my ex, ya know to wish him Merry Christmas and such, but who picks up the phone?? His new girlfriend. . . .I started to feel a little jealous that I couldn't be with my Boo too, plus I hate interrupting things. Talking to her was a little bit of a downer. . . . .So I changed my mind about going to Philadelphia. . . .

After opening my most coolest presents, one of which was the twister game that I wanted. . .I played with my mommy while the rest of my family went to church (nephews, brother, sis-in-law, and G-ma). I felt incredibly better and tried to change my mind again. . .only My boyfriend would not let me. . . .so I ended up going to philadelphia still. . . . .

The only people that I knew was most comforting was lightskinlovers mom, His Aunt Ida, and Aunt Shirl. And as far as I know, i have lost all respect for Ralph, my future brother-in-law.

I was sitting on the coach, enjoying the game, which was sort of a first, listening to his family members argue with Ralph who the best football team was. almost everyone in the house was going with Eagles, and Ralph went with Redskins. . . .

cutting through the funny conversation with them proving funny arguements towards their teams, His aunt said, " remember who you are going home with" since of course his mother is also an Eagles fan.
what did he say? " I know who I am going home with. I am going home with my mother, and my sister, and my brother, and Portia". ..............................
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If it hasn't hit you yet, my name is NOT Portia. evil mad scream stressed rolleyes

Portia is my boyfriends ex who cheated on him, and she is also my ex friend.
And she is basically a %&#!.
I got pissed off that he referred to me as her. . . .
And it hurt me way deep, so deep that I went to the bathroom so i didn't start crying.
yea I'm sensitive enough, he got to me, I suppose I was looking to be treated a little bit more part of the family than that. I tried to come down but I felt more like whoa and ran back to the bathroom, ( which was upstairs luckily). I called my mom, made her laugh, which calmed me down a bit to the point where I didn't care anymore, and started playing with the kids. I felt fine, and if I didn't, my Uncle Ray-Ray could have came down with all 6 of his sons and his one daughter, My cousin Qiana, lol, and dropped me off at my Uncle Harvey house. . . .
I told my mom that if I had my Scion xB, I would have been climbed out of the window and drove off. . . .you don't know how serious I am about that, I'm crazy enough to do it, anyone who knows can say that sounds like me. . .I told my boyfriend I said that later, he said he didn't know how he would react to that.

Anyway, I calmed down, I was cool, and my baby got to sit with his head in my lap on the stairs chillen with his little cousins. Let me tell you though, It was straight up a sauna up in there, after a while it was a little unbearable, so I decided to go dip my head in the outside. (sidenote: I wonder if Ralph was a little jealous that the family liked me more than his girlfriend, LOL)
I loved it out there, plus is was raining, I love the rain. I was just coolin off out there and after a while, my boyfriend found me and we started to talk like we normally do.

when we were about to go inside, which we took like a long pause, Dee Dee, his sister, opened the door saying his mom was looking for him. I went inside, he stayed outside doing watever, I came in and sat down talking to some people at the table, since I got my confidence back, it always takes me a while to warm up to people. He came in and then all of a sudden people are shouting at him after he was shouting at his sister about something. then he and his mother was shouting at each other, in the middle of the floor no doubt. he went back and apologized for slamming her into the door( because she slapped him for falling up against her, because he was pushed by Ralph after my boyfriend slapped him in the back of the head for saying something. . . .about me. . . . .) After all that, which I had my back turned to and did not witness( he told me what happened), he ran up the stairs. He was up there for a long time, I knew his mom went up there to talk to him at some point. I wanted to go up there right away but i knew someone probably would have told me not to. . . so I waited until I knew we were leaving so I could get my coat. When I went up, he had my coat, and he began to talk. and I listened, as this was really the first time I had seen tears in his eyes, he didn't cry though, he doesn't like for me to see him cry. I tried to make him laugh once, he said, " we are getting away from these people, and we are not even going to live in this state" and I was like" Pennsylvania??" he gave me the funny look. . .

It took me a while to calm him down in the car, I had started talking about what state he would want to live in if not our home state, which lead to other conversations of everything else we always talk about, and we would look at the cars we passed and we would do this and that, and watever. . . .and He began to warm up to me again. Of all the times we would feel bubbled over with love for each other, in such a serious time and case it became, it was one of the closest moments we had, where we were both connected to an extreme level of love unimaginable, an extreme feeling where we truly understood each other more than ever, where it was more than its word can imply, more than love. . . . . . .
more than anything that could explain our feelings for each other. . . . . . . .

It was his first ride from Philadelphia that he hadn't fallen asleep, regardless that he was in the position to while laying on me, Plus I suppose I kept talking.

Yep, Christmas was a very hot and cold day. and he told me that if I ever decided not to go with him to a family function, he would never talk me into going to one ever again. . . . . .

Hope you had a Merry Christmas.
heart heart heart heart heart

I love you lightskinlover-my future husband