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Events seem to occur more than ever, and all that I have been waiting for is starting to come about right before my eyes. But now I'm starting to think to myself.. has it been too long? Do I even want this anymore? He recently started sending me messages, yet again, non stop, just like we used too and it made me feel so ecstatic. But I know, and he knows he has a girlfriend, so I just hate how this is all coming about. His girlfriend seems very nice. Although, she may not be that appealing, he still see's something in her, and I can't judge a relationship he wants to be in. Espically considering the circumstances we used to take on. His girlfriend speaks to me if I see her, not a full on conversation but still asks how my day is and everything that a nice enough person would tend to do. But he still continues to treat me as he used to.. as if I was his, as if he was mine. But I need to remember- he isn't, and for quite some time he probabaly wont be. And currently.. thats not phasing me to much because something else is starting to happen..

..with someone else.
I've felt this feeling before, that I thought I had feelings before for someone. Turns out I didn't, that I was more just forcing it on myself that I really did. But I really didn't. But this time.. its much different. Lets see. I need to give this boy a name. I'll call him ocean. I'll introduce him to my journal so everything isn't all cluttered. One of my best friends, I'll call her Diamond, started casually speaking to me one day and brought up the conversation of a close friend she recently had met. She wanted to show me a photo of him, so she did. When I clicked to view the picture, my eyes lit up in attraction. This boy was simply gorgeous! He has beautiful, large eyes and an adorable hairstyle. He was wearing a bandana over his light brown hair and he look completely flawless. I replied in gasp, wow! He is something. She told me that she had shown him a photo of me and that he wanted to speak to me. This made me pretty happy. Of coruse, at the time, I didn't think much of him more than a gorgeous face, considering I had never spoken to him. But I soon got a friend request on bebo, and he started to speak to me through the friend stories. He seemed like a really mature, sweet and considerate boy. After short talk, he added me on msn, and things got a lot better from here. I spoke to him for one day for a little bit and he was just the cutest thing ever. He told me he thought I was gorgeous, and was planning on commenting my photos but couldn't decide which one. He eventually chose one and said it was beautiful. I blushed at the words. He soon left, and I didn't end up speaking to him for about a month after that.

It wasn't until about a week ago that he sent me a comment on myspace asking how I was, that I realised I missed speaking to him. We started to comment eachother and I brought up the subject of me going up to Cairns for a holiday next weekend. Coinsidently, he lives up there. So I thought, if we became close enough friends, I could maybe hang out with him while I'm up there. He seemed happy at the fact I was going to be in his town, and asked where I was going to stay. I didn't actually know, but I eventually found out where and told him. And even more of a coinsidence, he lives in the exact place where I am going. Sweet, perfect. This was so awesome. I could actually met him! It would be very nice. He asked if I was going to be on msn that night, in which I was. We spoke for a bit on msn, and a delightful conversation it was. He greated me with "hello beautiful" which seriously gave me butterflies. We spoke for quite a while but he eventually had to log off, and I didn't speak to him again that night. The next morning I saw a comment from him apoligising for leaving so early. That was sweet. And asked if he will be able to speak to me again that night, which sadly I couldn't because I was going to be at my friends house. A fair bit of the time I was at my friends house I had him in my thoughts, just randomly like if I was eating dinner, or if I was just talking to my friend. He was on my mind.

I liked how he spoke to me, the way that he did. He always asked how I was, and how my day was. He actually asked these questions several times in conversation. Like, anyone and everyone says that, but he actually started conversation from what I spoke about, and kept asking questions. He seemed so interested in what I do, and I really liked that. I got to speak to him last night, and it made me very happy. He complimented me so much, and of coruse I assured him with compliments back. He told me he couldn't wait to meet me, and I seriously cannot wait to meet him. I'll hopefully see him next weekend, that sounds so nice. He is just wow. He told me I was perfect, loving and caring and not to mention still stunningly beautiful. Most guys don't say stuff like this. There was only one other guy I know that could ever speak like this.. in which I'm trying so hard to get out of my mind for now..

Ocean suggested ideas of what we can do we I come up. See a movie, get some coffee, walk along the beach. No guy with a heart like his would consider something like that. He's very perfect. As we were speaking last night, he said he was very tired, and I also said I was too. He said he wanted to stay online though, because he wanted to speak to me. That was exaclty what I was hoping for. So we stayed online until I actually had to go. I was to leave him.

All night as I was trying to sleep, I for some reason actually couldn't stop thinking about him. Its usually me thinking of Sun.. but this time, I found someone new.. I feel so werid.. I want to be with Sun forever.. but I know I can't have him now.. he has someone new, and I think its about time I found someone new, too. Ocean appreciates me and loves speaking to me. I love speaking to him too. I dreamt about him. I didn't stop thinking about him. I don't know how much I like him. I don't even know if I like him; I just know I think so much of him. I guess I will have to wait and see what happens.