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And imagine if I had actually seen you today with her.
What would it be like? What would I have done? Why am I getting so upset about this? I've already known that you have been with her for so many months now but to think that one of my best friends saw you with her, just makes this seem more real.. That you actually <i>are</i> in love with someone else..

I'm such an idiot. A dork. Why am I still here? Why am I still hanging on? After all, there is nothing else for me to hold onto now that its not even ******** here anymore!
Now that I know you're closer to me, how can I possibly breathe in this space to think that you're actually within my reach? How can I ever see you again without knowing the fact that while you would be with me, you'd have her on your mind? Or on your arm?

I don't want to get over you..
But I need too..
Its been so long now..
But I just can't picture myself loving anyone other than you..
You're so perfect.. you're just everything I need.. everything I want.
Ughh..
And how will I be able to simply talk to you now again? Now that she is here with you? You'll never be online anymore.. I miss you so much..

There is nothing I want to do anymore.
I don't want to be on the computer. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to eat. I don't want to go out. I don't want anything.. I just want to know that i'm still in your heart.. Where you are is where I want to be. Why can't I stop crying? I ALREADY KNEW THAT YOU WERE WITH HER! I got it through my ******** thick head, but why is it suddenly hitting me so hard again? Just like on that Monday. The 16th of June to be exact.
This has been the worst ******** 5 months of my whole life.
Just trying to deal with my uncontrolling desires for you. When I know I can't have what I want. I've liked other people before you and gotten over them so quickly.. but why has it taken so long, and still not over? Does that mean something is suppost to stick? That I am not suppost to get over you? But I have to! You got over me, you found someone else, why can't I do the same?
Why do you tell me how much you miss me and how much you think the world of me when all I get out of it is paying the price of it later, knowing that what you meant wasn't exaclty how it sounded.. or atleast thats what I think, how can you say you would kiss me when you're with someone else?

Why do I want you so bad?
I've never wanted anything the way that I want you.
I thought I lost you, but you can't exaclty ******** lose something you never even had. If only things weren't this way.. if only I wasn't 14, what would my life be like if I was 18? or 19? Would I be with you? Would I actually be happy?!
I've never truly been happy but <b>not like this.</b>