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Sixty-two rules of anime
1: Yelling makes you stronger.
2. G-34 IS a bra size.
3. Girls must have perfect bodies.
4. "Impossible" and "unpreventable" are synonymous.
5. You must carry a ridiculously large weapon if you're the main character.
6. No matter what you say, he will never kiss the girl.
7. Africa is a lie.
8. Girls must have oversized hammers at all times, even when you can't see them at first. But it's surely there.
9. A normally fatal wound such as a sword stab or a gunshot to the chest is nothing for the main character.
10. Everything always happens at the nick of time. Everything.
11. Falling Cherry Blossom petals are more common than air molecules.
12. The girl ALWAYS wants to be kissed. And somehow, the guys can tell.
13. People only stutter in moments of shock or awe.
14. People either have far too much blood to have any organs or bones, or have so little that a knife to the chest could be solved with a band-aid.
15. All girls will eventually fall in love with someone, especially if they hated them in the past.
16. If you are hit directly with an explosive, you will suffer from severe lines all over your skin and clothes.
17. If you're not a demon, you're worthless.
18. Somehow, those giant-a** swords never actually sever s**t.
19. Any random grass you find somewhere has medicinal properties.
20. If you have no parents, you're destined to be a hero.
21. The word "weak" applies to card and board games.
22. When in a heated battle, it's a good idea to flip.
23. Catgirls are a sure sign that either rape or a pantyshot are upcoming scenarios.
24. Whenever the wind starts blowing, there must always be a dramatic pause in which the character stands in the sunlight and stares of to the side to let the wind blow through their hair. Always.
25. Wind is unstoppable.
26. Emotions directly affect your body proportion, eye color, and blood pressure.
27. The writer is out to get depressed fangirls.
28. There are always previews of the next episode with a corny narration by one of the characters.
29. Repeating and/or stating the blatantly obvious, repeating the story for the audience every single episode, in the belief that the people watching that s**t are somehow impaired with some kind of short term memory loss and/or a lack of an attention span.
30. Schoolgirls are the patron saints of fanservice.
31. Hot springs are made of fanservice and filler.
32. Have you ever seen a hot spring?
33. He will never die.
34. If two people exist, there's a fanfic pairing of them somewhere.
35. "Damn you" is said more frequently than "The".
36. Talking animals are commonplace.
37. Healing powers are better than doctors.
38. Anime can make even the most mundane of tasks, such as playing shogi, cooking, or wine decantering, look like the most exciting things on the planet.
39. A girl is always seen naked at least once.
40. In Dragon Ball Z, the following can make you strong.
-Fighting
-Getting the s**t beat out of you
-Yelling
-Hair
-More Hair
-Almost dying
-Moar hair!
-Actually dying
-Doing a funny dance and touching fingers
-******** s**t JESUS, NOT EVEN MONKEYS HAVE THAT MUCH HAIR
41. Articles of clothing are indestructable in battles.
42. Good guys always get ******** over till the end of the anime.
43. During long-a** powerup sequences, it never occurs to the enemy to attack them.
44. Everything is, or can be, enchanted.
45. There is no episode without a flashback. Not even a filler.
46. All the girls vying for the main character's affection will never be seen naked, while the one girl who hates him, who is undoubtedly the main love interest (See Rule 15) will be seen naked about as many times as the word "Damn" is said in InuYasha.
47. Nobody owns a second set of clothes.
48. The worse your eyesight, the smarter you are.
49. Grunts and sighs alone can be a perfectly acceptable set of lines.
50. Secondary characters will never be better than the main character. Even if their strength surpasses the main character's by a long shot.
51. Tiny skirts and thigh-high stockings are by far the most popular attire in Japan.
52. The name "Akira" is Japan's "John".
53. The name "Sakura" Is Japan's "Mary".
54. After one character uses "The most powerful attack", suddenly every 5-year-old in the world can do it.
55. The first time it is used, it takes a minimum of four episodes to be launched.
56. The "most powerful attack" quickly becomes obsolete as some more powerful enemy leads the main character into seeking out an even MORE powerful attack.
57. If the "most powerful attack" is extremely complicated and only known by 3 people in the world, the main character will learn it in 2 episodes.
58. When walking, a woman's boobs will bounce like they're raving, but when fighting, their chest appears to be made of rocks.
59. The first time anyone fights anyone, they were always "holding back". No exceptions.
60. The hero is always upbeat and positive.
61. If s**t gets tight, you can just go Berserker Mode.
62. The sad-emo-hot-depressed-out to kill his enemy (who may or may not be related to him but did ruin his life in some horrible way)-boy will be the center of the girls life in the anime. His fangirls will all be annoying and constantly fight over him. This will be for humor reasons but usually just ends up being ******** annoying.