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Thats realy all I can call this entry, and I'm sure most of you reading this read the blunt flat out what happened last night while I was having my melt down, but today I've mellowed out, so heres a more refined entry I should be able to get halfway through without sobbing, like last night.

Tuesday afternoon was fairly mellow, I was working on a ton of projects for a ton of people that should have all had the same result, brining a smile to someones face even for a little bit. I had just finished the fine tweaking on planes, and all was rolling in the action, and to say the least i was realy pleased with myself. I had a weekend ahead of me I was more then waiting for with the girl I love, and knowing I had made a few people smile.
Which was wen this all went down hill. Lucy had logged on to IM, and since no one ells but one other person was on, I figured I'de pull up a IM with her, show her a fanfic I thought she might like.
While I dont blame her for it, it still broke my heart, he had planned to spend three days together, drawing comics, writing fanfics, watching AMVs, ploting world conquest, chilling out, and then we would all go the drive in together. We would be with Lucy's girlfriend, which woulda sucked for me anyway, but if she was happy I would have been happy to.

That wen she IMed me telling me she could only take one friend tot he drive in, which was the main event of said party, and would make all the other pieces fall together.
So of course I told her to take her girlfried, over IM it was easy to just put a little happy face at the end of a message, and tell her I could do other things that weekend it was fine, and that was wen the tears started.
I felt horrible for being so miserable because she was so happy, she was realy happy she could go with her girlfriend, but how could I feel any difrent?
The girl I love was so happy about being with someone other then me, and leaving me alone by my own order, I was heart broken.= and still even now am.

I guess I proved karma wrong then, eh?
Seems cruel, the people all around me I cared for were happy, some I had worked for days to help make happy, some just happy in the day to day things that makes life wonderful, and I was the only one with no reason to be a happy, and a broken heart.
Seems so matter how hard I try, in the end I cant get ahead ever can I?
Funny how life works, we can love someone with all our heart,
try so hard for even just one weekend to make everyone happy,
but in the sad sick end, theres not a happily ever after for everyone is there?

Well in the end, I never held that place in her heart she held in mine, so its only natural that pain would come at some point, but all we can do is live.
Just keep on living, through all the pain, through all the rain, through all the heart brake, because in the end, no matter how bleak it is now, it cant rain forever, even the eternal arctic winter nights will come to a end n time.
So we deal with the pain, we learn from it, and wait for the sun to come back, and the rain to go.