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9:30am; The cursed alarm clock interrupted my slumber. Lazily, I looked around the room, seeing the many bits of proof that my life has gone completely down the toilet. Along the walls, hung old certificates of former achievements, pictures of my friends and I from months ago, and signed posters from my favorite bands; so much crap. Scattered on the floor, lay discarded clothes, T-shirts, jeans, socks, boxers, bras (Who said they were all mine?), etc. On my desk, sat the many papers that needed to be handed in to my professors next week. I looked around once more, and noticed the bold, red circle on the calendar.

“********…” I said annoyed, “I can’t believe it’s today already...”

I rose to my feet, and walked over to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror, and turned on the tap. A splash of frigid water woke me up in an instant. I decided that I’d better hurry up and get ready. I gussied myself up, not too formal though. Just the usual T-shirt and jeans. I walked quietly down the stairs, and wrote a little note so my parents knew where I was. I picked up my ipod and keys, and began my day by running for the bus.

10:47am; The bus finally arrived, and I boarded. I felt myself feeling faint, and somewhat nostalgic. Today felt familiar, kind of like ‘De ja vu.’ I stared out the window, gazing at what was my childhood. We had passed by “Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow,” my former elementary school. Ah, the memories that come to mind when I think of that school; being pushed around, called names, belittled every day; how depressing. So many insults etched into the back of my mind. There wasn’t a day that they forgot to torture me; I loathed them for that. They weren’t just mean, they were blood-thirsty monsters that loved getting a reaction from people. They would find your ‘Achilles Heal,’ then exploit it for all it was worth. All I ever looked forward to, during recess, was the bell that told everyone it was time to go back inside. At least there, no one could say anything about me without our teacher knowing about it. It was one of the few places I ever felt safe.

11:12am; I had gotten off the bus, and crossed the street to go to a flower shop. The selection was huge, but I knew what I had to buy. I made a large bouquet of white and red roses, and wroe a little card for it. It said: “I Don‘t Want to Live Without You…”

As soon as I was done my purchase, I waited for another bus. Moments later, we had passed by the local park. Suddenly, I felt warm inside, it was complete and utter tranquility. It was then I realized that the park was one of my favorite places while growing up. I was 8, and I would be there for hours on end running around, playing, having fun, with her… She was the bane of my existence; the Novocain to my pain. Stephanie… The only friend I ever cared for. We’d been friends since we were 6, and our parents would take us everywhere together. We were inseparable. In elementary school, we’d always been seen playing together, usually ignoring those idiots making fun of us. Whenever they said something about me, she’d be the first person to stick up for me. I always felt safe by her side.

We had always gotten into fights. We somehow turned “debating” into a contact sport. One of us would state a small opinion, then right on cue, the other would come in, pointing out every possible contradiction. One would push the other’s shoulder slightly, and the other would just retaliate. Before you knew it, we were rolling around on the ground, until we finally hit a wall, in that case, we’d just stop and laugh. In the middle of the park, was a clock tower, kind of like the one in London, we had nick-named it “Little Ben,” just for kicks. Thing about the clock tower, it didn’t work, no matter how many times the city paid to fix it, every attempt would end up a failure. Even though Little Ben wasn’t working, it looked pretty nice, surrounded by all the trees and benches in the area. Everything in the park just added to its over-all beauty. There was this one place in the park, we’d always end up. It was this large structure that, made up of metal bars, I believe it was called the “jungle gym.” Anyways, we’d always find ourselves in the middle of the structure, away from prying eyes and distractions. It was our Safe Haven. We could always find peace and solitude there.

11:38am; The bus broke down, and took a while to get fixed. As soon as it was towed away, I could see something across the street. “St. Augustine,” a high school, my high school. Sure, it was hard at first, but it just took some getting used to. My first subjects, were Science, Art, Math and Geography, and every class was with Stephanie. That basically made class much more interesting, and a lot less easier to concentrate. I mean seriously, if your best friend sits right next to you in a class, you’ll never get any work done. We’d done everything together in high school. If one person was sick, and away from school, the other would ditch and see if s/he was ok. In those cases, we both had to get the work we missed from other students. We made a lot of new friends in the first few weeks, because everyone had the crazy idea that we were dating. I wonder what gave them that idea?

In most schools, there were dances where schools sold tickets to students in other schools. Steph, our friends and I would go to every second dance together, all of us usually dateless. We didn’t really care about dates, we just wanted to have fun. By the middle of the evening, we’d run out of things to talk about, and I had usually ended up asking Steph to dance. The first song we ever danced together to, was: “I knew I loved you” by Savage Garden. After the few minutes of ridicule we suffered at the hands of our friends, she’d take my hand as we walked over to the dance floor. It was hard to be nervous around her, she was usually calm, cool and collected, and didn’t mind having fun with friends. I never regretted asking her to dance, I had a feeling she’d always say yes.

11:56am; Another bus had finally arrived to replace the one that was towed away. What a day, I did more thinking than I intended. I stared out the window of the bus, and stared at the school, still in my own little world.

August 15th, 4 years ago, Stephanie and I were just walking in the park, talking and reminiscing about the past. It was hard to believe that we were going to be in grade 10, in just a few weeks. We spoke about how fun the last few years had been, the parties we and our friends had planed, and the school dances. As usual, more of the city’s money had been put into fixing “Little Ben,” and more workers had been assigned to the project. Just as we passed the clock tower, we saw it, the jungle gym, our Safe Haven. After staring at it for a few minutes, we quickly made our way inside, and sat down in the center as if we were kids again. It was nice, shaded area, just as we remembered it. We laid down, looking up at the clouds, just thinking about what tomorrow would bring.

All of a sudden, things were quiet between us, neither of us spoke, then, without warning, I turned on my side, and I kissed her. It lasted 2 minutes, but it felt so much longer. After we stopped, Stephanie’s face was bright red, then she just turned away. I called her name, but as if by reflex, she got up, and started to run away. I got up, and started to chase her, but I had tripped over a crushed Pepsi can, lying on the ground. By the time I had gotten up, I took a step forward, but was abruptly stopped by a loud chiming. I turned around to see that Little Ben was working again. All of a sudden, I heard a loud crash in the distance and a faint scream. It came from the direction that Stephanie was running in. I ran as fast as my legs could take me. In the distance, there were people, all crowding in a small circle, and a BMW that had crashed into a few other cars. I managed to plow through the crowd, only to see a bleeding figure on the sidewalk… It was Stephanie. I ran to her, sat by her side, and raised her head onto my lap. She was looking at me and smiling, where as I was crying my eyes out, asking if she was ok. She waved me to move closer, and I did. She kissed me back, and whispered to me.

“You know I love you, right?” She said in a pain-stricken tone. “I’m sorry I ran, I was scared. I wasn‘t sure of what I should have said…”

“You mean you weren’t mad?” I said jokingly.

“Never!” She stammered. The gleam in her eyes was so innocent, yet they reflected nothing but a sense of torment. “I never thought I’d have to tell you under these circumstances. I always thought you‘d be the one to blurt out how much you loved me or something.” She began to laugh lightly.

“Yeah, I guess I can see myself to be the hopeless romantic.” I joked, squeezing the palm of her hand.

“As long as you know…” She closed her eyes, and kept them closed.

“Steph…? Stephanie?” I cried. “Haha… Joke’s over, you can get up now. Please…? Please wake up… Steph…? Oh God…”

I cried as I held her now motionless body in my arms. People crowded around, staring at my hopeless attempts to revive her. I tried CPR; anything I could think of. The mass of people continued to grow, while I remained my pathetic self.

“Get away!“ I cried. “Can’t you see she needs her space!“

The crowd began to retreat, while others tried to pull me away. The more they tugged, the more I resisted. I wasn’t going to let her go yet, not after I finally knew how she felt. Even after the ambulance had arrived, I held on to her tightly, still grieving, still a mess. She was gone; I felt all alone again, just like in elementary. A breeze blew, as the silence grew louder. No one knew how I felt that moment; it felt as if my heart was savagely ripped into pieces. This was definitely the worst day of my life.

12:00 noon; The bus stopped at the station, and I made my way down the stairs to wait for a train. I had always known my life was a wreck, I had just forgotten how painful it was. People say that everyone has a skeleton in their closet, but for me, it seemed more like a graveyard. At that moment, the P.A. system started to play some song. The beginning was soft and reminiscent, it made me feel different, in a familiar sort of way. It sounded a lot like the type of song someone would slow-dance to. Normally I would feel calmer by listening to the light melody, but I just can’t help but think about Stephanie, I was too tormented to be soothed.

So there I was, August 15th, 4 years later; on my way to visit her again. There I stood, waiting for the train that would take me to the best friend I ever had. There I sulked, going to apologize once more. Who would have thought apologizing would seem rather depressing? I took a step forward to see if the train was coming, but was interrupted by a glass-shattering shriek, blasting out from my headphones. I stumbled, then tripped on a can; I fell forward onto the tracks. Seconds later, I came to. I was able to sit up; the ringing had ended, and I thought I was in the clear. As I looked forward, I could see two bright lights charging my way. There was no escaping them. I looked up once more, and smiled.

“You don’t have to wait for me anymore Steph…”

Fin

~Giovanni Fukai~