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Life as it seem's has never been fair with me,since I was in elementary school I had always had problems with math and reading. So as a sacrifice I gave up my good grades for things I wanted in life. Now that I'm much more older I gave up alot of things that I love to do, for the perfect grades that my dad has always asked me for since I entered seventh grade, I finaly gave them to him, their where no tears like my little sister's grades. I learn not to care anymore in regards to my grades but work for someone I cared, who hopefuly will notice my hard work one day. Now that I have a 4.00, I had to make the biggest sacrifice in my life, and I didn't even notice I was actually doing that, I gave up my chance at being in Ballet Ensemble and Choral Ensembel. I cried when I found out the hard way that I didn't make it to the 5-6 level the hard way, with small talk behind my back as to my whole jumping of joy that I had finaly got somewhere in life, one of the girl's had told me that I made it and I was excited, but as one of my friends told me that I wasn't on the list, I tried to hold in the tears and try to act happy. Once dance was over I went into my choir class and cried in there, asking myself "What am I doing at this school?How can a girl that has had no expirience on pointe and be lazy make it to Ensemble?What does she have that I don't have?Am just fat and can't be looked at because of my physical look and she can because she is the perfect ballerina?" I cried like I have never cried before, in silence. Now that I knew I didn't make it ballet 5-6 I decided to look foward to Choir, maybe I have a chance at that, wrong. The list went up and out of curiosity someone went and checked and told me, no you didn't make it to Choral. A gain I felt the same sensation that I felt before, this pain of failure, I felt like hidding under a rock, under covers,I went outside to check and found out that the people that hardly ever pay attention and sing at the last minute for our presentation, made it. Again, I wanted to die in pain.

My life has made me see things alot different, I have no talent at all, so what am I doing at an arts school?What is my talent? Do I even have a talent? I feel like taking somedays off of dance and choir, just relax and contimplate the day,take picture at Balboa of parent's with their children, find some small little toddlers playing in the grass, finding an age of innocense. This ugly yet beautiful world has alot to teach me, I'm just not sure if I'm capable of handeling it.