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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr2SOZ2Hy00&feature=related <-- cool music, don't know who sing


http://letras.terra.com.br/poesia-oculta/148741/ <---- interessante

I need motivation to keep things... I need more will power to study and read those books! =.=
But.... more the time keeps going, more lost I feel about what is the right thing to do.
My temper is getting worse.
I'm getting angry for little things...
Easy to get irritated...
stressed


...


I need to learn about how to deal w/ my own feelings...
I'm frustrated, I need to let my past go, I need to clear for myself about what I will do.
But it hurts to look in this all confusion, it isn't clear yet what's the biggest problem...
I want to be strong in mind and heart. But my determination is always wavering...

Is it sink or swin?
Once a time I tryed to do my best, I overdid above my own feelings for my friends, but I felt so lonely... I couldn't overcome it... I tried my best and much more I tried, more I got hurt. In a event, where everyone was trying to meet and make as much contact as they could... they forget the members from the same "Seinen"...
I don't know how to explain in details, but I can say, since then, I fear to be doing my 100% , I fear to trust...
"stretch your arms tothe most up as you can, ok now strech even more, if you did on the second time, it means you didn't gave your 100%, you can always give more of yourself"
Something like that.



...


Did I lost my focus?
I had at first an objective, then things happened and I lost my sure about what I was doing?



Now, I'm all fired w/ stress... but I can feel that after this maybe I'll start to feel a hole in these feelings, and it will make me feel down...
I usually close in myself, I got sundelly extremely shy, start to talk less and less, and do less stuffs... start to feel more and more shame of myself for doing nothing right.

I'm still not in this state. But I'm in a point to explode, and after this there will be a emptiness...

It's not gonna be the first time...

Maybe knowing it, I can try to antecipe my own feelings and don't fall in more depair?

First, stop to remember the past hurtfull stuffs.
Second forget the pity of myself
Third Keep going and if something goes wrong... Don't panic!
4th start to sleep early and have a good sleep
5th Don't lost sight of what I want

It is hard that sometimes I want to be complaining my problems w/ someone... But I know... None need or will want to be bothered w/ these problems...
So that's why I complaim here!

Feelings can be what make we go in front or chains that don't let us walk. they seen like a uncontrolable wild horse. I don't think that it's something that we can tame completely, without freedom they lost they strenght. Without a bit of control, they just will smash in the wall and break thenself.

Still... seens like doens't matter wich path I choose, I'm still wavering...
Why?
what's the real problem?
What's the reason?