Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

As I stood in the hall I realised the world around me was moving fast. Maybe a little to fast for my taste. People ran to there lockers opening them screaming questions such as "What is ouir next class? Did You hear she likes him? Did you do your homeowork? We are going to be late." But thing is I just stood there in the hall gazzing watching listening remaining unnoticed through the hustle and bustle of break. surprised

Why does everyone move so fast? Is it the end of the world? If so, I didn't see it coming. Why am i always pressured to do it fast? Maybe because I am slower then everyone else, maybe because slow doesn't really exists, it is just going quicker then normal. But what is normal? Can you define it? When I asked my dad this question he told me that it was the perfect child. I told him perfection is more a flaw then an attribute. He said no, I would have to spend less money. He must have taken this as a joke. But I sure didn't. What is normal? What is life supposed to be? WHat is a normal life? Has anyone lived one?:glare:


I doubt I have. I used to be popular. Being popular isn't normal. Is it? But then when I was called a whore by my so caled feriwends for hanging out with guys instead of them. Is that normal? I don't knwo, but I think it is jealousy. Is being shuned, and slowly descending the social ladder yet going higher normal? Is it possible to be doing both? How do you know you are popular? Is it when you are friends with boys? eek

I don't believe in comforming. I don't eblieve in the word normal. I think that word was created to make people wan to comform. To make them think bad of themselves. But really when you think about it. Sadely, the crreator of that word succeeded. They made it so that my best friends cousins friend commited suicide. Because he didn'T think he was normal. Because he was laughed at for not wearing Exco clothing for not comforming with the world of today. crying

Does everyone have to comform at a certain level? I don't think so. I think people should be abel to act the way they want dress the way they want speak the way they want in moderation. But wait moderation that would mean somehow people would comform. stressed

Even if I don't like comforming for 12 years of my hopeless life. I did it. And I still in someways do. I only realised it when I was talking to Alexis. A guy on my bus whom I make fun of in class. He is actually really nice. I don't get why I make fun of him. He tells me "Yeah, it is only when you are around shannon and them right?" I look at the ground of the bus, he was right I do act different. I don't act like my insecure, self. I don't act anti-socially I still fear of what people think of me. I still care if a person likes my hair or not. sweatdrop

Is it possible to become weak from depression? I suffer from it sadely. I usually am abel to hide it but sometimes it becomes impossible. I become secluded blending into my own imperfect universe. I sat in french class today, starring at the floor. I answered when called upon onlyto be snubbed by my teacher. She doesn't like me you see. Like many other people. Seh doesn't like me because she knows I don't agree with the rules. I don't get in trouble but I know they dislike me.
Just by looking at me they see "Rebel" I dress in jeans and a t-shirt virtually every day. But I never have a smile on unless I am tring to keep peoples suspicions down on my life, of me not being okay. I sit and stare out into space. Doing my work the right way.

What do you think?

-*-Brooke-*-