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Reality
Sitting here, in my room, alone, able to come out from the wall I hide behind
The smile I hold in place, I can finally drop, let fade away, if only briefly
I can relax, not hide the pain, the screams I hold within
Why must I only pretend to live outside of these walls?
When all I can think about is the peace... of death
Why is it that the smile I work so hard to perfect...
Simply something to appease others, and more pain to hold than the joy that it is supposed to bring
When will I be able to smile
Because I want to, not because I have to...
I long to be able to drop this facade, this endless make believe I hold before me for the world
But I can't, I won't!
It hurts to hide, hurts me to 'grin and bear it' and not fight back
It nearly kills me every DAY because in some small way, they've broken me, the very people I vowed would never win, would never break me....
But to no longer hide, to fight, to no longer be able to find the small solitude and peace I find now from time to time...
That would be more painful...
Wouldn't it?
Fear, pain, deceit, anger, regret that is not truly regret, but something else unknown to man,
This is my life, this is my reality
Reality, for some is a dream...
So why do I live within my nightmares?
 Opal Jewles · Mon Feb 11, 2008 @ 05:24am · 0 Comments |
