were to start....*sigh*...ok...umm...right now I'm "working",in other words I have some free time until the stuff gets here,so I've decided to writte.....I need to empty my mind before hazel empties my veins....no jooke,thats what she wanted to do last night and I was more than happy to let her....yami was talking some sence into me and kitty was telling me that she didn't want me dead.....I don't really understand why she cares so much for me...she shouldn't....I tolled her last night that I was a horrible person and that she should let me die but she didn't want to hear that.
hazel was mad and I think I found a way for her to hate me even more (and here I thought that couldn't be done),the moment she heard kitty wasn't happy.....*sigh*....I love the feelings and stupid thoughts she gives me.....in a way I can't help agreeing with her when she dsays that I am a bother to everyone.....maybe I should have let her finish me off last night.....I probably will let her but not yet...probably on saturday......yeah.
she may have forgiven me but I won't forgive myself
I can't help thinking that maybe I should have died last night.....I resigned from my duties as a living person....I was never good at it anyways......I really wish I could have died last night....hazel keeps saying that it would have been for the best and maybe she's right....maybe I am worthless and should die....I can't seem to be of any use....I can't help the people that I care for.....I can't even come up with a good idea on how to help them.....maybe I was a mistake...maybe I was never supposed to have lasted so long in this world.....maybe thats why I almost died...a sign that I shouldn't be here.....I'm of no use to anyone....I thought I was never going to feel this way again...guess I was wrong....that emptiness that I felt last night....it wouldn't let me stop crying....I wonder if this gun is loaded?*evil smirk* lets find out.....maybe after I'm done with this job thing...damn.....how frustrating it is to be here waiting.....and waiting....and waiting,when you know your client is gonna go see your work at eleven and you have yet to cut the stuff....this is so annoying....idea *grin* I remember we had loads of really sharp knives here,why?'cause we need them to cut the stuff...ok we needed them in the past which mean that now no one is guarding them which means I can take one and no one will care....and those things doin't even need me to push them in much 'cause they're sharp (so happy right now ^_^) bye...I'm off to steal one from father
******************
nothing better to take your mind out of depression than working with this two ^_^.
apparently dear old father has got us another job (yay)...we should be getting the same amount of money as this one (which is nice 3nodding really nice 3nodding 3nodding ).....I'm in a better mood right now (and no harm done to the body 3nodding ) 'cause of a certain person.....she took hazel away and I couldn't be happier.....even though I can still hear her cursing me out among other things *yawn*.....I wish that stuff would get here...I wanna go home and hide under the blankets......there they gop again talking about bussines and junk that I don't get like quantum physics......what is that stuff anyways?......well.....better go and do other stuff......umm....right ,bye
 yamiruri · Wed Jul 13, 2005 @ 02:26pm · 0 Comments |
