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YE BE WARNED!! This fanfiction is Death Note related, humorous, stupid, and random. It's That one fairy tale 'Rumpelstiltskin' but Death note style and stupider. BEHOLD AND ALLOW YOUR EYES TO BEGIN SECRETING A COMBINATION OF RED BLOOD CELLS AND THE PLASMA THEY FLOAT IN!!! And maybe some White Blood Cells too...

Once upon a time there was a small family of millers. One day, the miller who lived there with his wife and child was invited to the castle to meet Queen Misa. The queen was annoying, but if he could win her favor the quality of life for his family would be greatly increased. So in an effort to impress her, he proudly proclaimed that his son had the ability to spin straw into gold. Misa was greatly interested by this and ordered that the miller’s son be sent to her castle the next day to show her this amazing straw-to-gold magic.
So the next day, Light found himself in a room filled with piles of straw. The queen had instantly fallen for him on sight, what with his great build and attractive attractive-ness, but she knew her squire, Matsuda, would never let her marry him unless he actually could spin straw into gold. So she had to put the miller’s words to the test.
“I’ll be back tomorrow! If the straw isn’t gold, I’m afraid I’ll have to throw you out of the kingdom. That would be awful...” she sighed sadly, before perking up again. “Good luck though!” And with that, the door slammed shut behind her and Light was left on his own in the room of straw with one day to somehow turn it all to gold.
“...When I’m banished, I’ll have to make sure the town I go to isn’t full of idiots,” Light grumbled. It was so stupid. Why had she believed that he could spin straw into gold? It was impossible!
“That would be ‘if’ you are banished, Yagami-kun.” Light turned towards the window at the voice and saw a weird little person sitting in his windowsill. The person there was short and had messy black hair on his head and dark black lines under his eyes. He wore a simple white shirt with a pair of baggy blue jeans and no shoes or socks. Overall, he appeared to be the definition of weird. Light wouldn’t be surprised if he looked in a dictionary and found this man’s picture under the definition of odd, strange, or downright abnormal. Seriously, the guy couldn’t even sit right! He balanced on his feet with his knees pulled up to his chin. Light was very very tempted to go over there, poke the stranger, and see if he would lose balance and fall over. But that would be rude.
“It’s ‘when’. ‘If’ would mean I have a chance. There’s no way I can spin straw into gold,” Light scoffed. He didn’t even want to know how his little guest knew his name and why he was acting so familiar.
“There is no way you can spin straw into gold.” the odd stranger echoed. “But there is a way that the room can still be filled with gold.” Light paused for a moment to actually listen. What was his visitor suggesting?
“I can spin the straw into gold for you. But I won’t do it for nothing,” explained the stranger, lifting up his index finger to chew softly on it.
“Alright. What do you want?” Light asked curiously.
“Cake. Strawberry cake. That would be nice.”
“...Cake? You’re offering to spin straw into GOLD and all you want for it is cake?”
“Would Yagami-kun rather I ask for something different? Your house? Your family? Your firstborn?”
“No, cake is good!” Light blurted quickly. “I’ll get you a whole strawberry cake if you can spin all this straw into gold!”
Once the stranger’s face lit up with a smile, Light knew he wouldn’t have to move out after all.

“YAY! Nice job, Light-kun!” Misa shrieked excitedly as she tackle-hugged her dearest Light. Said teen cringed and nearly fell over at the display of affection. He was lucky that he had good balance. He was UNLUCKY that Misa’s squire had not believed that Light had actually spun the straw into gold. So now he had to sit in an even BIGGER room and spin straw into gold. His visitor from before had already been paid so Light was on his own this time. Misa wished him good luck again and shut the door.
“Does Yagami-kun have a habit of getting into difficult situations or is it just these few times?” asked an all-too-familiar voice from the window once the door had shut.
“Oh, it’s you again.”
“I am not U, Yagami-kun. If you wish to call me a letter, please call me L.”
“Why L?”
“Why does it matter?”
“Point. So will you help again?”
“Will I-“
”Yes, you will get more cake.”
And with that conversation over, L moved on to spin all the straw in the room to gold while Light sat back and wondered when logic had flown out the window. Probably when it had gone to tell this little straw-spinning freak where Light was and what he needed help with.

And the next day, the room was once again filled with straw and Light was once again glomped by an overly-excited Misa. Her squire had come up with the excuse that the ‘third time’s the charm’ and said that Light had to spin one more huge room of straw into gold. But once this room was full of gold, he would marry Misa and be rich. He may not have liked Misa, but the idea of being rich and powerful was very appealing.
So once the door was closed, Light focused his gaze towards the window just in time to spot L comfortably perch himself on the windowsill.
“I don’t have any more ingredients to make cake. Think of something else,” Light interrupted before L could speak. There was silence as L carefully pondered his options.
“Shame. Guess I really will have to take your firstborn this time...” L shrugged as if it were no big deal. Light didn’t care much either. He wasn’t planning on having any kids.

Years later, Light had married Queen Misa and was now King Light. And soon enough, Misa managed to beg and whine that they should have a child. It took nine months, but soon they had a nice baby girl. The thought of L never even crossed his mind.
At least, until a short, messy-haired little man showed up in front of the throne. Luckily, Misa had gone away for the week so she didn’t have to hear about the whole story.
“What do you want?” Light sighed, already knowing.
“You know very well what I want. It was part of the deal.”
“Yeah, I know. What would you do with a kid anyways?”
“Eat it.”
A very awkward silence followed.
“...I was joking, Yagami-kun.”
“Thank God.”
“You really thought I would eat your child? I am not that low, Yagami-kun.”
“Whatever,” Light groaned. Misa would kill him if he handed over their child to L. “Is there any way I can change the deal?”
L brought his thumb up to his lip and chewed quietly, deep in thought.
“...Guess my name.” he finally replied.
“...What?” Light asked incredulously.
“You heard me. Guess my name. L is obviously not my real name. If you get it right within the week, I will leave you and not take the child. I’ll give you today to think up as many names as possible. I’ll return tomorrow.” And with a snap of his fingers, L was gone in a cloud of smoke. Light coughed a bit before gazing after him with confused eyes.
“...I wish I could do that...” he mumbled to himself.

The next day, L returned. Light listed off every name he could think of for two hours before giving up for the day. None were right. He’d tried simple names like John and Bob and more complicated names like Larinzihar and Carconsokate. He couldn’t seem to get the right name. Luckily, L had decided to walk home this time and Light sent Teru, his most trusted knight, to follow the footsteps of the short little child-stealer.
The two hours it took for Teru to return were dull. But when Teru returned, things brightened up a bit. The knight looked exhausted, having run all the way back to report the good news.
“Great news, Sir!” Teru exclaimed cheerfully. “When L returned to his home in the woods, be started to sing a song and it went something like this...”
Instead of just getting right to the point, Teru decided to actually sing the song, much to Light’s displeasure.
The horrible five-minute-long story ended with a line declaring ‘He’ll guess wrong and wrong and wrong again, for Rumpelstiltskin is my name!” Light’s mouth curled into his famed ‘Exactly as planned’ grin and he looked forward to the next day.

Sure enough, the next day brought L back in front of the throne for another guessing game. Light was still grinning as evilly as before. L didn’t bother saying anything about it.
“Is your name Jake?” L shook his head no.
“Is your name Adrian?” Another ‘no’ reply.
“Is your name...RUMPELSTILTSKIN?!?!” Light yelled with a triumphant laugh.
“No, it is not.” L spoke up this time around, knowing that Light would never see him shake his head with that giant cloud of an ego around his head. Light’s maniacal laughter stopped instantly, much to L’s amusement.
“...Say what?”
“It’s not my name.”
“But you said it was in the song!!!”
“That does not mean that it is my name, Yagami-kun. I just like that song.”
“But...But...But...” Light stuttered.
“I am not stupid, Yagami-kun. I noticed your knight following me. I am willing to change the deal though. You may keep your child as long as I may live in the castle and have all the cake I want.”
“...Fine...”Light grumbled.
It was an adventure and a half trying to explain everything to Misa, but she was okay with it. And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Light. He had to live with two people he hated very much.

Epilogue:

It was another normal day in the castle...Light was strolling through the kitchen, already used to the fact that there was never any cake mix, frosting, or strawberries in any place in the castle at any time of day. L didn’t sleep at all so whenever there was cake, it didn’t last. All birthday cakes were replaced with cucumbers. (“They’re so good for you, Light-kun! MisaMisa doesn’t want to get fat!” Misa explained.)
However, today something a little different happened. Light walked through the kitchen to the coffeemaker, ignoring L at the table, but halfway through the huge kitchen he slipped on a puddle of frosting and fell right onto his butt, staining it with the white sugar.
“Can’t you clean up after yourself??? There’s a mop in the closet! It’s bad enough you’re weird and eat nothing but cake and won’t even tell us your name!”
“Why don’t you clean up the mess with your ego, Light-kun? We all know it’s big enough to wipe the whole kitchen in a minute,” L scoffed, taking another bite out of his cake.
Out of nowhere, a ten-pound bag of ice flew through the air and whacked Light in the head.
“HA! Ice with that burn, Yagami?!?” Mello laughed offstage.
“That’s not freaking funny you chocolate-addicted GIRL!” Light yelled back.
“I AM NOT A GIRL!!!” And before one could say ‘strawberry cake’, Mello and Light were beating the crap out of each other offstage while L sat calmly in his chair finishing up his cake. And SOME of them lived happily ever after. Light and Mello weren’t very happy and the bunny outside the castle wasn’t living.

THE END

...See I told you it was stupid. XD

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