Balthier: Everyone, I'm just popping in to wish you all Happy Christmas.
Axel: It's pronounced M-E-R-R-Y, got it memorized?
Balthier: That's the thing, see, I'm British.
Roxas: You’re the only British character in all of Final Fantasy.
Balthier: That’s not true, Luxord sort of is.
Sora: What about Captain Jack-
Balthier: Harkness?
Sora: -Sparrow?
Balthier: Oh, see, he’s actually not from Kingdom Hearts. He’s a free-character taken from a Disney movie. Just like Tinker Bell or Ariel.
Roxas: Why did you only use the girls?
Balthier: Because, unlike Harkness, my sexuality is not questionable.
Fran: I’ve got everyone’s mist.
Sora: What’s mist?
Balthier: Fran actually can’t say an entire sentence without using the word ‘mist’. She’s still more useful than Martha ever was.
Axel: I really don’t want to know why she’s dressed as a reindeer.
Balthier: We’re trying to get into the holiday spirit. You notice my Santa hat?
Roxas: Jeez Axel, you got to open your eyes.
Axel: I’ve got only eyes for you.
Balthier: I’m leaving now.
Axel: No, no it’s not like that...
Roxas: They’re gone already.
Axel: Yeah I....um...
Roxas: Let’s face the facts about me and you, a love unspecified. Though I’m proud to call you Chocolate Bear, the crowd will always talk and stare.
Axel: I feel exactly those feelings too, and that’s why I keep them inside. Because this bear can’t bear the world’s disdain, and sometimes it’s easier to hide-
Both: -Than explain our Guy Love. That’s all it is. Guy Love. He’s mine, I’m his. There’s nothing gay about it in our eyes.
Axel: You ask me ‘bout this thing we share
Roxas: And he tenderly replies
Axel: It’s Guy Love
Sora and Riku join Axel and Roxas: Between two guys.
Riku: We’re closer than the average man and wife
Sora: That’s why our matching bracelets say-
Roxas: Roku and Aku!
Riku: You know I’ll stick by you for the rest of my life.
Sora: You’re the only man who’s ever been inside of me!
Riku: Whoa, guys, I just stabbed him in the gut.
Sora: There’s no need to clarify
Roxas: Oh no?
Sora: Just let it grow more and more each day
Roxas: It’s like I married my best friend
Axel: But in a totally manly way!
Roxas and Axel: It’s Guy Love, don’t compromise the feeling of some other guy.
Sora and Riku: Holding up your heart into the sky
Roxas: I’ll be there to care through all the lows
Axel: I’ll be there to share the highs
All four: It’s Guy Love between two guys
Sora: And when I say
Axel: I love you Roxas
Riku: It’s not what it implies
All four, harmonizing: It’s Guy love. Between. Two. Guys.
Cloud: Are you done? Because that was probably the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.
Confused?
