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Chapter 2: Going Back to School [Part 1]

Mrs. Weasly: C’mon kids! You’re gonna miss it!
Ron: Miss what?
Mrs. Weasly: Your erection dear.
Ron: Oh!
Ginny: Eww! It looks like a dying dolphin!
Mr. Weasly: Wasn’t that entertaining… Well, it’s time to get going then.
Harry: Yeah…
Ten minutes later…
Hogwarts Express: Toot toot.
Harry: I think it’s constipated.
[Students board the train]
Mr.& Mrs. W: Goodbye kids! Don’t get killed again!
Harry: Hey, remember the time when we first got killed?
Hermione: Yeah… It feels like it was yesterday… in our 2nd year.
Ron: Yeah… Lockheart stabbed us with one of his bogus novels.
Harry: Yeah… then Nearly-Headless Nick revived us with beaver urine.
Hermione: Hey, Harry, remember in 3rd year when Buckbeak took your heart out with its beak?
Harry: Well, that was the only way to make Buckbeak move to safety.
Hermione: Yeah, then Hagrid peed on you to revive you.
Harry: Don’t remind me.. >.<
Trolley Lady: Anything off the trolley dears?
Ron: Yeah, I’ll take a pound of nuts.
Trolley Lady: We’re in the UK…
Ron: Oh! Then I’ll take 5 kilos of nuts!
Trolley Lady: That’s a lot of nuts! That’ll be 4 bucks baby! You want fries with that?
Harry: I want a potato.
Hermione: How ‘bout a burrito?
[Trolley Lady gives food then leaves]
[An Asian girl walks in]
Asian girl: Oh! I thought this was empty.
Harry: Hi, Cho.
[Cho is an Asian girl with a thick British accent. She’s wearing Vivine Westwood]
Cho: Harry! I didn’t see you there.
[Ron and Hermione rolls their eyes]
Cho: siigh… Cedric. We made sweet sweet love right where Harry’s sitting.
[Harry, Ron, and Hermione leaves the seats they were at and went to another compartment]
Harry: ********. She’s weirding me out. Too bad she’s hot.
Ron: Yeah… some girls are so hot, that you cant stay made at them for long.
Harry: yeah…
Neville: Sup fools!
Ron: Hey, Neville.
[Neville’s dressed up like Snoop Dog]
Neville: Shizzle ma wizzle.
Hermione: Sorry, Neville, but acting like Snoop Dog doesn’t cut it.
Neville: [in super British accent] aww… maybe I should be a rocker next…
Harry: Poor Neville… always searching to find out who he is.
Ron: Hey… about this time last year, there was this train robbery.
Hermione: Yeah… those poor Grimlins.
Harry: Yeah… those Grimlins tried to steal those lucky charms…
Ron: I wonder what kind of train robbery will happen this year.
[Just then, a guy with white hair and a teenager with brown hair appeared]
White hair: Stick ‘em up!
Conductor: What? Why?
White hair: This is for a science experiment!
Conductor: Who are you guys?
White hair: I’m the Doc and this here’s Marty.
Marty: Hi.
Conductor: Anyway… No! I have to take these kids to school. Then you guys can use this train.
Doc: But we need to go back to our time!
Conductor: And when is your time?
Doc: The year 1985!
Conductor: But it’s 2007.
Doc: Exactly!
Conductor: Siigh… When do you need this?
Doc: Uh… how ‘bout noon?
Conductor: Oh! Perfect. Just sit back and relax.
Doc: so, uh… what kind of train is this?
Ron: What kind of train robbery is this?
Doc: Young man, you don’t understand science!
Marty: C’mon, Doc, lay off the kid.
Hermione: Welp! We better get dressed in our new uniforms.
Ron: Grr… stupid cosplay.
Conductor: Attention students! There is a fat lard on the tracks! It’ll take like a page or two to get it off the tracks. So, stay on the train!
Doc: Damn!
Marty: Biff cought up with us.
Doc: Damn!
Marty: And I think I’m pregnant.
Doc: Damn! Damn!
Biff: Lookie what we have here.
[Oh, yeah. For you people out there who don’t know what’s going on, Doc, Marty, and Biff are from the Back to the Future series]
Ron: Now, this is what I call “cool.”
[Just then, Marty, Doc, and Biff were going back to through a portal]
Hermione: Here. Go back to your own time.
Doc: Thank you kind miss! WE’RE OFF TO OUR TIME!
Ron: Hermione! Why did you send those three to their time with your magic?
Hermione: Well, those three belong in their own time and story. We need to get moving to out own!
Ron: But we have like a page to waste to be on this train!
Hermione: We can amuse ourselves.
Ron: ******** no.
Harry: Let’s play WoW.
R&Her: NO!
Harry: Final Fantasy?
Ron: Ok.
Hermione: Attention everyone! We will now start a Final Fantasy game!
Ron: I call Axel!
Hermione: That’s Kingdom Hearts.
Random voice: Let’s play Kingdom Hearts!
Random voice #21: No! Final Fantasy!
½ of train: No! Kingdom Hearts!
Other ½: No! Final Fantasy!
After the lard’s cleared off…
Conductor: Ok! The fat lard’s off the tracks.
Scattered voices: Yay… woo hoo.
Ron: ********! About a page later, and we still didn’t know what to play. -_-
Hermione: Really? I finished reading Peace and War.
Conductor: Ok! We’re here at Hogwarts! Now, everyone, get the fudge off ma train!
Ron: Rude…