Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Well, as you know, I usually have a rant and lately I haven't. I could make this into a very long story, but I won't. I'll focus on the one thing that has been in my mind for the longest time since the 'fateful' event which has caused me to have this person in my head constantly, without fail, for the last two weeks.

Close your eyes, shut the ******** up, and imagine. If you can't imagine, then just go off and remember that you are human and you have a brain. Use it instead of letting it ooze out of that noxious little thing you call a mouth.

Imagine: The drive was long, but not too tiring but it was nerve-wracking. Along the drive, you had one of your best friends sitting next to you, trying to calm you down and make everything ok as you start to panic. The steering wheel becomes a bit larger as your hands become slippery, trying to grip onto the thing as a car zooms past you, nearly clipping your side mirror. The adrenaline pumps through you, causing you to start to develop a headache, your throat is dry as this is the first time you get to meet her. Finally, after much torture and self-pain of doubt and 'what-if's you get there and pull up to a small house, looking straight from a movie.

Pillars holding up the top, large stairs leading down to where there is a small patch of lawn. Kittens playfully crawling from a small cardboard box and mewing as you go up the stairs. You sit in the car a moment, sighing and when you finally get everything together, you get out of the car and see a woman, barely topping 5'2" come up to you and smile.

For a moment, you're dazzled.. This amazing woman easily stole your breath away with just a look. You listen and watch her as you just stand there for a moment, a beautiful smile, a small cute button nose. Her hair short, a reddish hue catching the light just right and causes shadows to cascade across her face, hiding the vibrant and shocking eyes she looks at life with. After a moment she giggles, giving you a shove and mumbling something about how it's not nice to stare.

The day goes by too fast, the jokes are endless, the humor contagious and her smile infecting you to the point of where your euphoria has it's ups and downs all comparing on if that smile is focused at you. She slides into your daily life and friends with ease, taking them in as her own friends, being accepted so easily and being unique in her own way. As the day ends, you suddenly have your entire week pass by in a blur, the only thing you remember is her smile and laughter, all you thought about for the last 5 or 6 days.

You talk to her on the phone, your phone-calls starting at only 20 minutes long in the beginning, but then sky-rockets to nearly 3 hours every other night, sometimes just being with her to wake her up in the morning. Finally, that other week passes, and you're able to see her again. You go, you feel your heart beating in your chest, the drive blurring in with the last two weeks until you're at the stairs again.

As you watch her come out, your heart sticks in your throat, just grinning like an idiot. She looks sad, the smile fading and you see her lips moving, but you already know the answer. 'I can't come out this weekend' and it nearly shocks you to the core. Yet, the facade of happiness is put up just for her, saying it's fine.. that there is always another week..

Then you realize both of you think the exact same thing at once:

That's Too Far

As a storytale unfolds, the Princess runs away with the Knight, saved from the dreaded and mean step-mother.. Yet in this case, it was a princess running off with a pauper away from a caring mother. As you drive away, you feel in the pit of your stomach the boilings of what could be fear, of the thought of doing something wrong, but when you look over and see such a beautiful smile, it's hard to know anything but happiness.

Once again, the night moves quickly, of jokes, hugs, laughter and feelings on high. In the end, the girl admits to feelings as you return them in the confines of your own park, looking up from a swing set and seeing the stars up overhead. As you watch the stars, she cuddles up, her warm body pressing against yours, causing your heart to stop for that briefest of moments and for that moment on, when that touch is so close to you, you cannot help but feel safe, comfortable.. invincible..loved.

Only to have it ripped away

The nightmare starts, the ending scene closing in as the curtains start to close. No actresses to come out on stage, no actors to take a bow. It was simply that of the end. You must let her go, that simple little person who gives you so much joy.

That final straw that can make you snap, yet it remains there..and it's funny, because as the days alone pass.. you notice something more and more.

She stole your heart.